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Recently I stated on Facebook, “You may be blocking miracles. Take a moment to make sure your heart is open.” After posting this, a few people made valid comments that lingered in my mind. The message was, “Dougall, how do I know if my heart is open?”

I kept repeating this over and over again in my mind. How do we know if our hearts are open? In my workshops, I teach people that the image we project to the planet may not always be in alignment with how others experience us. For example you may think that you are a positive, receptive and open person, but your community may perceive you as just the opposite. Without even knowing it, you may appear closed, jaded and unavailable to people.

It is my opinion that when the heart is open, we are fully available to experience life. This means that I am available to connect with my community on a deeper level. I am available to work at my very best. I am available to receive. But the heart I am talking about is a figurative concept. If my home feels stale, I can open a window and allow a breeze to breathe life into the space.  I can’t exactly open my chest for some fresh air, can I?

When I talk about opening your heart, I am speaking about intention and the power of thought. Ideally, we would all take a moment every day to pause and consciously remind our selves to be open to experience. There is no real agenda here other than holding the space of openness. Being open to whatever life has to offer us is a major component of manifesting as well.

When we are open, we make room for the world to connect with our core.  This flow of energy is how we strengthen any relationship.  Being open will help whether you are dating, applying for a job, or seeing an old friend.  We have a choice in these moments.  We can fall back on the safety of being guarded and reserved, which is often perceived as unavailable or cold.  Or we can intend for our hearts to be open and available to connect.  This is perceived as friendly, committed and receptive.

I’d like you to try this exercise in the next week. As you prepare for each day, take one quick minute and place your hand over your heart. Repeat aloud:

“Today my heart is open to experience and receive love.”

Pay attention to how people respond to you on these days.  Take note of and appreciate what miracles come your way.  You may be surprised that they were there all along.

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MD2_9853

Before That Sex Show premiered, I promised myself to be as honest with our callers as they are with us. It seemed only fair that if people were going to be vulnerable and talk about their issues on national television, I would do the same. No matter the topic, I would give an honest answer and pull from my own life experiences. Each night that we air, people are backstage tweeting on behalf of the show, and they capture just about everything we say.

Sometimes I completely forget that we are on TV. There is a moment during every show that I feel like I am just having a conversation with dear friends. I look across the table at Heidi Hamilton, Katie Morgan and Dr. Mike as though we were enjoying a really fun dinner party. As I walk off the stage, I take my phone out of my pocket and see at least a dozen mentions from @ThatSexShow. Our Twitter guru Jessica is doing her job all too well:

@ThatSexShow: “Dougall likes a clean tuchas!”

@ThatSexShow: “Dougall is our resident swallower!”

As I read the tweets, I momentarily swallow something else: my pride. It’s more like a gulp. Did I really just say all that on TV? This tends to be followed by a frantic flurry of thoughts: God, I hope my mother-in-law isn’t watching. Did I really have to talk about spanking? Read More…

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"That Sex Show" on Logo TV, premiering on February 4th at 10:30pm PST (check your local listings).

Photo Credit: Mark Davis/Getty Images For Logo

As a psychic and life coach, I am fortunate to be approached by production companies who want to consider me for television projects that they are working on. While flattering, some of the ideas are downright strange. A year ago I got a call from “Julie” at a production company based in New York.

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Jumpstart

 

I’ve had writers block.  Or is it blogger’s block?  Whatever it is, I’ve been blocked. My mind can conjure up a dozen good reasons as to why I haven’t written a blog in almost six months.  Maybe it was reading some of the negative comments from the last blog that I wrote.  Perhaps it was the lawsuit against me based on a previous blog (don’t ask).  The truth is that once our minds get used to a specific identity, it can be difficult to change.  For a long time I was in a good creative flow, and comfortable with the identity of being a writer.  I would come up with ideas and the words would flow freely.  I created goals and achieved them, like getting published on the Huffington Post.

Then life happens.  I took a family vacation, and figured that I would stop writing to “recharge.”  Time passed, and I noticed that new ideas were not popping into my head when I sat down to write.  Slowly, my perspective transitioned from that of an author to a person with writer’s block.  David would sweetly say, “How about we brainstorm ideas for a new blog today?” “You brainstorm ideas for a blog today,” I would sarcastically mumble like a 15 year old.  Admittedly this was the not the most mature response.

I would lament with friends about having writer’s block, constantly saying things like, “I can’t think of anything.  I’m not inspired.  It feels like too much pressure.“  Without realizing it, I became comfortable with the identity of not writing.  I spend a majority of my day advising people on how to jumpstart their lives.  Whether it is career, love, or spiritual life, we are guaranteed to get stuck somewhere along the journey.  The goal is to remind yourself to jumpstart your “engine.”  Today, I swore to myself that I would blog.  I know that writing will help me forge a new writer’s identity, even if my first blogs don’t flow freely from my mind.  The dominant voice in my head will no longer be about the perceived block.  I will push through the resistance and connect with my creative voice, understanding that the wheels may be a bit rusty at first.

Perhaps you have an area of your life that is blocked.  Here are some simple ideas to jumpstart key areas in our lives.

Career: Unfortunately, many people can identify with being out of work.  I often counsel clients who are struggling to find employment.  Lawyers, teachers, real estate agents and so many others have been affected in this economy.  These are all qualified people who need to feel an identity of productiveness.  I was recently working with a coaching client who came to me after having been out of work for over two years.  She was in her mid 30’s and had been laid off from a six-figure salary job in finance.  “This week, I want you to call small companies in your town and offer to work a day there for free.”  “What? Why on earth would I do that?  Can’t you just give me an affirmation to help manifest a paying job?”

My client was pretty aggravated by this suggestion.  Let me explain my process.  If you are out of work, or even if your business is slow, your subconscious mind gets comfortable with an identity of lack.  You start thinking of yourself as an unemployed person.  You process it with your friends, family and in this case your coach. “I am out of work” repeats itself in your head, and this stagnant energy becomes a self-fulfilling manifestation.  We have to shift that energy and get it moving.  There are so many ways to feel productive during your day.  Call your local soup kitchen and volunteer.  Offer your services to a small business or non-profit organization for a short time.  The goal here is to end the day thinking I worked today.  If someone asks what you did today, the response will change from a demoralizing “nothing” to “I worked.”  This will powerfully change the energy of your identity, and will help you to manifest work.  At every job interview, the interviewer asks what have you been up to for the past two years.  Your response will shift to a more positive place, because you will have been keeping busy and helping others at the same time.  I have used this technique with my unemployed clients and have received an overwhelmingly positive response.

Romance: I recently had dinner at our friend Sharon’s house.  Sharon was giving us details on her new adventures in online dating.  She’s never had a significant relationship and was reluctant to “waste time” with the wrong guys.  We scanned some of the profiles of people who asked her out, and joked about some of the inappropriate guys who had emailed her.  I could feel her desire to find a good partner for herself, but she consistently turned down every date request for one reason or another.  When I asked why she did this, Sharon kept returning to the idea that she didn’t want to waste time with someone who didn’t have the potential to be her soul mate.  “You just need to go to a bar and make out with a cute guy,” I offered.

She seemed a little thrown off by that advice, but allow me to explain what I mean.  Sharon was identifying as a single woman who was unlucky in love, and just couldn’t find a soul mate.  If you are in a dating slump, you need to let the Universe know that you are open to finding love.  I’m not encouraging you to go have a one night stand, or to do something that makes you feel unsafe.  But sometimes, to increase your dating energy you need to just jump in there.  Have a date with a nice person, and flirt to experience some chemistry.  Don’t expect him to be your instant soul mate, and don’t start planning your wedding after one nice evening together.  In fact, it is more likely that you will not find a perfect match right away.  The point here is to be open to love, so that you can attract it from the Universe.  And as far as wasting time, I prefer to look at every bad date as an opportunity to learn what you don’t want in a relationship.  After all, you will appreciate it that much more when you do meet the right person.

If you are experiencing a romantic block, try going out on a minimum of three dates next week.  It can be through an online dating site, a blind date, or any other opportunity.  Remember, you are simply getting the energy moving by shifting to a more “dateable” identity.

Fitness: I tend to go through phases of eating well and going to the gym every day.  If I feel good as a result of a specific exercise, it can become part of my routine.  I find a class that I like and a teacher who inspires me.  The alarm clock rings and my entire morning is laid out.  I finish my cup of coffee, drive to the gym and am greeted by my favorite teacher.  I feel better about myself the more that I go.  I’m stronger and I feel like I belong there.  But as most of us experience, life happens.  My gym changed their entire schedule of classes, and my favorite teacher isn’t available at the times that I like to go.  So I stop going for a few weeks, and once again begin to identify with being a couch potato.  It is the hardest thing in the world to start going again.  I was overweight as a teen, and can easily take on that identity if I am not careful. Eventually, I commit to exercising every day for at least 15 minutes.  I give myself permission to leave the gym after 15 minutes but I have to go.  Once you step foot in the gym, your subconscious mind identifies as an active person.  Even if you leave after a few minutes, you were there.  No one will know how long you have worked out that day.  Maybe the girl at the front desk notices, but who is she to judge?

The most successful people in any area of life will come across a block or stagnant energy.  There is nothing wrong with taking a break or having some down time.  Our goal is to make sure that the down time doesn’t become a crutch that limits our ability to create and be in alignment with the law of attraction.  I invite you to scan your life right now and think about that goal list you have in your head.  Feel free to comment below with an area that you need to improve.  Seeing it in writing might be just the jumpstart that you need!

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Feeling judged by others is an experience with which most of us are familiar. Your body type, politics, and sexuality are only some of the reasons that people might pass judgment. Even well-intentioned family and friends may look down upon us if we are not living our lives in accordance with their beliefs. I have faced skepticism and judgment many times in my life. I am an openly gay man who earns his living as a professional psychic and life coach. I am pretty sure Mitt Romney would have given me an aggressive haircut in a headlock if we’d gone to high school together…

Click Here to read the entire blog on the Huffington Post.

Photo courtesy of CBS Television Distribution/Peteski Productions

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Tune In Or Tune Out!

 

 

I had to drag myself out of bed today.  Last night was one of those nights that I couldn’t sleep because my mind was racing.  I was bursting with thoughts.  Elaborate conversations were happening in my head.  Not guides or dead people; it felt more like brainstorming.  When the alarm clock buzzed this morning, I gifted myself with three clicks of the almighty snooze button.  Once I finally got up, I poured myself a stiff cup of coffee and David turned on Good Morning America.

“Do you notice what they are doing with their cadences?”  I asked David.

“What do you mean?”

“If you listen to their voices, they are trying really hard to be perky!”

I can’t recall exactly what the show anchors were talking about.  Robin Roberts was happily taking a bite of Key Lime pie.  Lara Spencer was giggling while doing an entertainment report, but it was the upbeat tonal quality to their voices that hooked me.  The more I focused on them, the more awake I started to feel.  It’s as though their energy was saying “aren’t we all having fun on this spring morning!  Admittedly, David and I started to mimic them in a slightly exaggerated tone.

“I’m going to go brush my teeth after these messages!”  David said in his best perky newscaster voice.

“Studies show that I should put my sneakers on for the gym!”  I replied.

I was in a good mood when we arrived at the gym.  Monday’s spin class is taught by one of my favorite instructors, and I was looking forward to her upbeat energy.  As I opened the door and excitedly looked to the front of the class, I realized that we had a substitute.  She was a lovely woman who I guessed to be in her mid 40’s.  The word that popped into my mind was that she seemed nice.

She introduced herself to the class and gave a few tips to new students.  While listening to her I started to feel a little tired.  She wasn’t doing anything particularly strange.  She gave your average lecture on how to position yourself, keep hydrated, adjust your position if your back hurts; all that good stuff.  But something was off for me.

As class began, I found myself becoming more and more bored.  There was something about the cadence in her voice I didn’t find inspiring.  Technically she was doing and saying everything correctly.

“Push yourself.  You can do it.  You are doing great.”

But I didn’t believe her.  In fact she was boring me to death.  I hadn’t realized how much I look to the instructor for energetic inspiration.  Some teachers inspire me to work harder, just by their energy and their smile.  This can mean the difference between actually enjoying the gym and utterly dreading the experience.  My personal reaction to this teacher was that every minute felt like an hour.  It became so torturous that I had to close my eyes.  I started to center myself and decided that I had a choice; I could complain about this boring teacher, or I could search for a different source of inspiration in the room.  Slowly, her voice started to drift away as I focused on the Jennifer Lopez dance song thumping loudly.  Corny as it may sound, it actually started to work.  For the remaining 35 minutes of the class, I started to do my own thing.  If the beat of the music told me to sprint, I would sprint.  If the song seemed like it was time to add more resistance, I did so.  Occasionally I would notice the instructor look at me with a puzzled expression.  I laughed at what I imagined to be her thought bubble saying, “What is that whacko doing?”  But I was having a great time and needed more energy than she could provide.

What amazes me is how affected we all are by the energy of our surroundings.  It reminds me of going to school as a child.  I did well that year if I had a teacher that was particularly engaging and loved their career.  My grades would drop if I had an unhappy teacher that hated their job, or worse, was apathetic.

I realize that we can’t blame our feelings or personal performance on the energy of other people.  As a psychic, however, I think it’s important to understand that everyone’s energy affects us.  We have a choice as to what energy we absorb in our environment.  I can be in a stressful mood, when suddenly our dog Bernie will come bounding into my office, drop a slobber-soaked toy onto my lap and my mood instantly changes.  Dogs are incredibly effective at helping to pull us out of a bad mood.

On my radio show I specifically try to project joy and enthusiasm in my voice.  I do this not only for myself, but for the listener as well.  I feel that if I can lift people’s spirits for even a moment, then I am doing my job.

This week I invite you to examine the energy in your environment.  Try to notice the sounds that raise your energy, and then observe the ones that drag it down.  This can be anything from a person’s tone of voice, to a song on the radio.  If you can learn to focus on the positive influences, you will have a powerful and free tool to give yourself a little pick me up.

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Huffington Post

I am so excited that my latest blog has been published by the Huffington Post! They are one of my favorite websites, and it’s an honor to be associated with them. This blog is quite personal, so please comment on it and let me know what you think.

On every person’s spiritual journey, we are tested to help us learn. Occasionally, we invite frustrating people into our lives that challenge us to be stronger and stand up for ourselves. I have reiterated this lesson to clients for years now, yet I must admit that it stings when it happens in my life. I pride myself on searching for balance in all areas. However, learning compassion and forgiveness can be a hard lesson when we feel mistreated. Recently David received an invitation to a bar mitzvah on his side of the family
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Huffington Post
Great news, my most recent blog is being published by the Huffington Post! I will post a link here as soon as it is available.

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Image Courtesy of Florin Garoi

“You can’t have dreidels on your Christmas Tree!”  We hear that a lot.  People seem startled when they visit our home and are greeted by all kinds of religious symbolism.  A mezuzah hangs on our door frame, a four foot tall statue of Buddha perches in our foyer, and a wrought iron cross adorns our garden. “I like to cover all bases. Just in case.” I say to new friends.

Many of my close friends are in religiously blended relationships.  I can count six couples that I know of, where one was raised Jewish and the other is Christian.  When holidays come up in conversation, it can bring up quite a bit of emotion.
When David and I were first living together, putting up a Christmas tree was a big deal for him.   I didn’t understand at first; you’d think I had asked to place a 7 foot cross above our bed with weeping eyes of Jesus staring down at him.  David explained that he was raised in an Orthodox Jewish household and is the child of Holocaust survivors, so he felt quite a bit of guilt around it.

“You have to realize how freaked out I am right now,” he would lament.  The funny part is that David loves Christmas, and he often wants to drive around looking for homes that are decorated in twinkling lights.

“Really?  The tree is not technically religious to me, it’s just festive!”  I told him.
“I get that.  I want to honor both holidays, but there is a part of me that feels like I’m abandoning my Jewish roots.”
“Well, you definitely aren’t abandoning your Jewish guilt!”

It was important to me from that point onward that our holidays represent both of us.  We would have dreidels, stars of David and a small banner that says “Happy Chanukah” strung across the tree.

I feel so lucky that religions coexist in our household.  I’m aware that it is not always this easy.  I know couples who say things like ‘his’ tree and ‘her’ menorah.  They live in the same house but are in their own corners, celebrating their own holidays.  People seem afraid to honor or acknowledge beliefs other than their own, as if they will lose their identity and heritage.

Every year I supportively starve myself with David on the Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur because it is his tradition. Not exactly one of my personal favorites, but I am supportive no matter the reason.  This is why I understand his questioning of my traditions.

“What is this gigantic bowl in the corner for?”  David will ask.
“It’s a Root Charkra bowl.  It’s very important.”
“It’s very dusty.”
“Well you never know when your root chakra will need attention.”

In the end, I love the empowerment and joy that I receive from blending our cultures.  Neither of us is particularly religious.  We both believe in a higher power and like to consider ourselves spiritual.  When it comes to traditions like lighting the menorah or decorating the tree, our focus is on creating special family moments.

Why does society ask us to choose one particular faith?  Does there have to be one “right” religion?  Raising children in a house hold that incorporates different cultural traditions is labeled ‘confusing’.  When we were getting married, we searched high and low for a Rabbi who was willing to perform a ceremony under a chuppah with Tibetan Prayer Flags around it.  Surprisingly the fact that we were two men about to marry wasn’t an issue for any of the Rabbis; it was the fact that I wasn’t converting.  We continued our search until we found a Rabbi who understood that we wanted to create a life that honors both of our cultural heritages.

Every year when the holiday season approaches I realize how lucky I am that I get to celebrate both.  Whether its Kwanzaa, Chanukah, Christmas or any other holiday, it’s really about disconnecting from the world and reconnecting with your family and loved ones.   This particular year, Christmas and Chanukah fall on the same week.  For my family it’s as if there is an outside force encouraging us to celebrate both.

This holiday season, I invite you to incorporate a tradition outside of your own belief system.  If you have any traditions that you blend, please share them in the comment section below or on my Facebook page.  Here are some easy ones:  If you aren’t Jewish, try having a jelly donut on the week of Chanukah.   The donut is fried in oil, which reminds us of the oil that burned for eight straight days.  Have some Egg Nog while lighting the menorah or attend a midnight Mass.  Remember, our stories may be a little different, but we all come from the same Source.

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Holiday Experiment

 

Can you believe that it’s November?  The seasons are changing!  We’ve watched the leaves changing, had fires in the fireplace, and cooked comforting soups on the stove.  As usual, for months my family has also been talking about what we are going to do for the holidays.  Seriously.  This year we hit a record and in February my aunt asked what my plans were for Christmas.  The details of our upcoming holiday family gatherings are always eagerly, sweetly and zealously pointed in my direction.  It’s not that I don’t enjoy planning for the holidays, but I notice that it takes me out of enjoying the present moment with them.

I vividly remember my grandmother planning months in advance for Christmas Eve.  We’d be visiting with her at the end of the summer.  I’d run back to her house from the lake and barrel into the kitchen, to find my Nana perched at the table with a pen and paper.

“What are you doing Nana?”  I’d ask.
“I’m doing the seating arrangement for Christmas Eve sweetie,” she would reply.
“But it’s August?”

My nana would plan that meal for months.  And you always knew who she was mad at based on where you were seated at the table.    We traveled to see my Nana during the summer and spend time with her.  Why was she alone in the kitchen planning our next visit?  We’re here now, let’s enjoy this moment!

When my parents first got divorced, the main question was how to handle the holidays.   Every child of divorce knows that the holidays can be difficult to navigate.   It seems like every year feelings get hurt.  Someone feels neglected, and issues from the past bubble up as the brussels sprouts are passed around the table.
With the wounds of the divorce fresh in our minds, my sister and I decided that alternating holidays with our parents would be an easy solution.  For nearly ten years that is what we did and it went fairly well.

The tides shifted when my nephew was born.  Now that there were kids in the equation, I wanted to see them during the year as much as possible.  It is special to see the energy shift as these little souls entered our lives.  I never would have imagined my divorced parents in the same room for Christmas, but everyone wanted to be where the kids were.  It seems that every time I see those little tykes they have grown an inch, facial features have changed, and mispronounced words become full grown sentences.  I adore them and want to be a part of it.

My sister’s son is now six, which means that we have come together as a family for the last 6 holiday seasons.  Although I am glad to see the family together, it is stressful to try and please everyone.  It must be very difficult to spend the holidays with an ex husband or wife, and I often end up feeling like a need a vacation from my vacation.

“What if this year we don’t celebrate any holidays with family?”  I asked David one day.
“What do you mean?” he quizzically replied.
“Holidays seem to bring up a lot of feelings for people.  Why don’t we do our own thing this year?”

We arranged it so that we will still see our families for the same amount of time, but it would not be centered around any holidays.  This seemed like such a radical idea. What kind of person doesn’t go home to see their family?

As the holidays get closer and closer I am surprised by how much guilt I feel.  Am I a terrible son?  Maybe having a stressful family holiday is just the way that it should be?  Then I allow my mind to fantasize about how relaxing it will feel to take several days off and not have to fly anywhere.  We can cook meals at our own pace.  There will be no running around, trying to make a flight in a crowded airport.  I love the thought of David, our dog Bernie and I just listening to music and connecting with the family that we have created.  I can’t wait to sit by the fire, watching the twinkling lights on our Christmas tree and the soft glow of our Hanukkah candles.  And who knows, maybe I will miss some of the family excitement/drama.

What are your holiday plans?  I’d love to hear them, let me know by commenting below!

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My Heart Is Wide Open – I Think?

Recently I stated on Facebook, “You may be blocking miracles. Take a moment to make sure your heart is open.” After posting this, a few people made valid comments that lingered in my mind. The [...]

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