I am not much of a thrill seeker.  I have zero interest in roller coasters.  I’d happily choose a Volvo over a sports car.  It’s just not my personality type.  My husband on the other hand, loves the adrenaline rush of a roller coaster.  I really don’t get it.  In the early stages of our relationship, I promised that I would join him on at least one adrenaline pumping,thrill seeking adventure per year.  In hindsight that was a terrible idea.  I’ve mentioned before that on birthdays, David and I like to pick a place in California and explore our new home state.  This July 19th, David turned 33 so I took it upon myself to create a birthday experience that he would remember forever.  I did some research on the internet and found a few deals on Catalina Island.

Catalina island is 22 miles off the coast of Los Angeles.  In the 1940’s it was considered an upscale location where Hollywood elite would vacation.  It seemed like the perfect spot to get away for one night.  If it were my birthday I would have selected some fancy spa, booked a quiet dinner and enjoyed a very relaxing evening.  I kept reminding myself that this was for David.  In my search for an adventure, I found a dolphin tour, a segway rental, and lastly, a Catalina Zipline Eco-Tour.  Ugh, he’d love that.  I clicked on the link and was taken to YouTube.  The video began and explained the 5 ziplines that made up the eco tour.  I found video of men, women, and even children, excitedly zipping across the valleys of the island.  Are people insane?  Who does this? I have heard David talk about ziplining before.  I know how much he would love this, and the more I hated the idea the more I knew it was probably the right one; so, I booked it.

As we arrived on Catalina island I quickly realized that it has changed quite a bit since the throwback stories of the 40’s.  I exited the ferry with images of Marilyn Monroe relaxing on the beach, but as I made my first steps onto the island my eyes were flooded with tattoo enthusiasts and what I would describe as a distinctly “rugged” community.  To my left was a bleached blonde woman with a leathery tan, wearing one of those beach shirts that has a perfect bikini body printed on the front.  She was eating several hot dogs out of a makeshift lunchbox made from tin-foil, and holding a 40 ounce can of beer between her legs.  To my right were a group of men earnestly trying to bring back the mullet; it was a cornucopia of festive folk.

We grabbed our bags and headed over to our hotel.  Upon arrival I got the sinking feeling that this was not going to be the oasis I had expected.  Our hotel was clearly built in the 60’s and a few years ago had a light facelift.  And by light, I mean they bought new towels.  Whoever took the photos for that property and loaded them onto their website deserves an award for airbrushing.  After a moment of silence, David said, “Listen, I know this place isn’t great, but we are about to go on a Zipline tour!  It’s my birthday and it’s one night.  Let’s suck it up and agree, no more talking about the hotel.”

He was right.  Sometimes this stubborn Taurus brain of mine gets a little wrapped up in earthly pleasures.  I tend to daydream about thread counts, hardwood floors and spacious bathrooms when I am selecting a hotel.  This was the closest I would ever get to camping.

We decided to walk across the street to sit near the water and have a glass of wine before we plunged to our deaths.  My fear of heights and anxiety was pretty intense at this point; I couldn’t decide if a glass of wine was going to calm me down or increase my chances of vomiting.  We loosened up about the hotel, and after an hour headed over to the zip line location.

We checked in at our appointed time, and as I was weighed I scanned the other people on our tour.  Each tour consists of ten participants and two guides. There were four guys who were on vacation together and I was immediately intimidated by them.  They seemed like the kind of frat guys that watch MTV’s “Jackass”.  You know, the show where hand held video cameras capture Steve-O swallowing a gold fish and then he vomits it up while it’s still alive!  I’m talking real high brow entertainment.  Simply put, I would have been petrified of these guys in highschool.  There was also a small family joining our group.  The Mom and Dad looked excited for our tour, and their two adorable red haired daughters (around twelve and eight years old) seemed both excited and just as worried as I felt.  I figured I would bond better with the family rather than Evil Knievil and his crew.

Our tour guides Nick and Miguel suited us all up in our harnesses, head gear, and handed each of us what I can only describe as a medieval torture device that I would hang onto as I went screaming across the zipline.  Our guides then walked us through our safety lecture and slowly explained the process.  The moment our instructors began their lecture, my mind wandered off.

What on earth are you doing Dougall?  You can leave now.  You don’t have to do this.  Is this even safe?  Am I going to trust our instructors who look like they are all of 19?

“Who’s nervous?”  Nick asks our group.

How thoughtful and sensitive of them to ask!  I raise my hand and say “I am” with a cracked high pitch like a prepubescent boy.

“Well you get to go first!”  Nick says smugly, and starts walking towards the bus that will take us up the mountain.  Our group laughs and I immediately decide that I do not like Nick.  When I booked this birthday extravaganza, I conjured up images of what our tour guide would be like.  In my mind he or she would be native american.  They would have long black hair and calmly drum to help me find my inner eagle energy.  Together we’d face my fear of heights and I would feel courage swell up inside me. I’d glide across the valley and take to the sky like a Cirque du Soleil acrobat.

“Look, it’s a shortbus filled with kids in helmets!  Everyone is special.”  Nick yelled from the front seat. Clearly my indigenous tour guide fantasy was being ruined every time Nick opened his mouth.  I decided that I would have to look to David or myself for reassurance, as Beavis and Butthead were very attached to their schtick.

As we rode the bus, my mind kept lecturing me for not listening to at least 70% of the safety lecture.  What did he say about getting stuck in the middle of the zip?  Make a star fish position to go faster or slower?  Do I walk off the plank or jump?

At the top of the mountain, the bus pulled over and all ten of us descended to the first platform.  My heart was pounding.  I really do have a fear of heights.  Here I was standing at the top of a mountain, about to step off a ledge and shoot across a valley several hundred feet to land on the next platform.  This was the dumbest idea I have ever had.

“Are you scared?”  I asked David.

“Totally!”

Our nicer instructor Miguel clips his harness in.  He checks his four points of safety which everyone else seems to remember from the lecture. He hops off the platform and zips to the other side, so that he can be there to catch us when we arrive.  Our group is silent; clearly everyone is nervous.  The four guys go first and each one of them quietly steps off the ledge.  I know they are nervous because no one makes a sound as they go.  My palms are now dripping in sweat.

“Do you want me to go first?”  David asks.

“Oh god yes.”

Nick locks David’s harness onto the line. Again he checks the four points of safety.  I still don’t know what any of the safety points are other than to GET BACK ON THE BUS.

Nick takes out his walkie talkie. “David is ready to zip and it’s his birthday so be nice to him.”

“Zip away!”  Miguel responds from the other platform.  As David steps off the platform, I feel vaguely sick.  It’s a very strange feeling to watch someone you love do something that seems to defy the laws of nature.  We aren’t supposed to jump off the side of a mountain.  Before I can even process it, he glides away.  It takes an estimated 30 or 40 seconds to cross, and I watch him get smaller and smaller until he is the size of a dot.

“My turn I guess?”

I turn my head and face the parents of the two young girls. “I need to apologize right now for the foul language that may fly out of my mouth.”  They laugh and say it’s going to be fine.  Time seems to slow down for a moment.  I have a choice here.  The bus is about ten steps away.  I can leave.  What am I proving to anyone?  Who cares?  Not everyone loves roller coasters.  It’s not a character flaw.  Why can’t we just lay on the beach like normal people!

Take the plunge Dougall.  Let yourself be free and experience life.

“Son of a mother !*@?#!?@*”  I scream as I step off the platform.  Admittedly I may need to work on a new mantra for moments like these.  I suppose Om Mani Padme Hom would have been more charming?  I can feel my weight supported by the cable above me.  Suddenly trees are shooting by me on both sides.  I am in full “canonball” pose as requested by our tour guides and I am racing toward the other side.  My teeth are clenched and I am holding my breath.  The wind is screaming in my ears and I see David on the other side getting closer and closer. I hear a loud smack as Miguel applies the breaks to stop me from flying halfway across the state.

“Holy #@?!  J*sus #$%&*!”

“Did you like it? I really tried to stay in the moment!” David says excitedly.

Moment?  What moment?  I can’t feel my feet!  I am so out of my body that I am trembling.  I can hardly hear David.  I just keep looking over his shoulder at zip number two that is at least 1000 feet and what feels like the highest height I have ever seen in my life.  I can’t do this.  One by one each member of our group makes it to the other side.  The young girls race across like Mary Poppins apprearing 10 times braver than me.  I can hardly remember anything before my turn for zip two.  Adrenaline was pumping through my veins.  I vaguely remember hearing that this next one would be the fastest.  Nick locked me into the zip and repeated the four point safety check while I wiped sweat off of my hands.

“Are you wearing lotion?”  Nick asks.

“Suntan lotion.”

“Oh that is kind of dangerous!” he quips. Everyone starts laughing.

“You know Nick, you don’t get a tip for joking.”

I step off the platform and sweet kind Nick jokingly yells “NOT YET!”

Hysterical.  NOT.

This zip feels ten times longer.  I am in proper canon ball position.  My teeth are clenched, and pretty much every muscle in my body is holding its breath.  I hear a voice in my head say Dougall, breathe.  Breathe slowly.  In through the nose and out through the mouth.

With each breath that I take I am startled at how much calmer I feel.  Every exhale loosens my body.  I glance to the right and I can see the Pacific Ocean in the distance.  For a brief moment I am seeing the perspective of a bird.  I notice Miguel in the distance signaling me to make a starfish formation to slow myself down.  Without thinking, my body moves into proper pose.  He then makes another signal to pull back into a canon ball and I follow suit.

“It helps to breathe!”

I am safely standing on zip platform number 3.  Admittedly I enjoyed the second one more, but I am still shaking.  I sit down to collect myself.  David has been filming my landing every time.

“Can you film me?”  David asks.

“David, I can hardly feel my face.  I am not available to hold a camera.”

For zip three I consciously focus on my breathe and am amazed at how much of a difference breathing helps.  So simple right? By the time we finish all five zips I am mentally, emotionally and spiritually exhausted.  The company boasts that each zip is easier than the last, and to be fair that is true.  What I marvel at is the tremendous power of breathing.  Even as I write this blog I notice myself holding my breath.  I will read it back to myself and start to question.  Is it boring?  Too long?  What is the point?  All while holding my breath.  If I close my eyes, take a deep breath and just let my energy flow, the words come to me with great ease.  In workshops I teach clients to focus only on your breath.  I can’t tell you how many times I have said  “Whenever in doubt, just breathe”.  But life has a funny way of distracting us.  Certainly when a core issue like the fear of heights is in my face, my mind tends to go straight into panic.  But when I take a moment to utilize a simple technique of breathing, I can almost instantly change my stress to peace.

David and I spent the rest of the night at a charming restaurant on the water.  We ate seafood and talked about our zip line adventure the entire time.  I felt proud of myself for overcoming a fear and allowing myself the chance to experience flying.

The following morning we boarded our ferry and I looked at Catalina Island with different eyes.  I am leaving this island with one less fear than when I arrived.  Sitting on the back of the Catalina Island Express I watched the water in swirls of greens and blues.  I took a deep breath.

“I feel happy.”  I said to David.

“Me too.”  He replied.

I’d love to see some dolphins, I kept repeating in my mind.  C’mon guys. Suddenly I saw one.  Then two.  Then four.  Then several dozen started jumping from the water right beside the boat.  They followed us for about ten minutes.  I took a deep breath and with full gratitude said “Thanks guys.”