When A Relationship Comes Full-Circle

My parents divorced when I was about 13 or 14 years old. Although the breakup of their marriage was difficult for all of us, this wasn’t shocking news to me as a child. In fact, I supported their decision. I have never believed that two people should stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of their children. I was a sensitive child who was keenly aware of just how different they were.

My sister (who is eight years older than me) was off at college when their divorce began, and she was shocked. She had happy memories of Mom and Dad getting along, but to me it seemed as though we’d had two different sets of parents. My childhood involved witnessing two people constantly bicker and drift apart. When they finally called it quits, it seemed like the absolute right decision to me. I couldn’t understand what they ever saw in each other and just thought perhaps this was some cosmic fluke of a relationship.

The biggest change after the divorce had to do with my living situation. I would switch between their homes regularly, and I also started alternating between them on major holidays. This pattern continued for years and allowed them to completely avoid each other.

When my nephew was born 12 years ago, there was the slightest shift of energy in the family. With this new soul on the planet, everyone clamored to be near him. My parents reluctantly agreed that we should all spend Christmas Eve together so we could all be near the baby. The snide comments softened and this beautiful boy initiated the beginning of a healing.

A few years later, my niece was born and that healing energy got just a little bit brighter. My parents and I would sit in my sister’s living room, and what used to be awkward silence was now transformed into a unified energy. Our love for the kids proved to be a strong bond. Conversation flowed with how cute Talula looked while playing with her frozen Elsa doll. My parents would listen intently to my nephew Thomson talking about baseball (even though neither of them have any interest in sports). But with three generations in one room, it began to feel like we were one family again.

This past year my mother was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer. And while it has been a very difficult experience, the diagnosis has initiated yet another layer of healing within my family. Three weeks ago I got a call from my sister.

“So Dad and Mom talked on the phone the other day” my sister said.

“Uh oh, did they fight?” I asked.

“No, apparently they had a really nice talk and even said they loved each other.”

“Wait, what?”

I practically spit my coffee out. We spent about an hour on the phone talking about how bizarre that was. And that maybe, just maybe cancer might bring a different kind of healing for our family.

I counsel a lot of people going through divorce or breakups. I can hear the confusion in their voice when they had what felt like a soul mate, and that relationship then did not work out. What does it mean? Had they been wrong all along? I’ve always felt that Soul Mates are relationships that we have to learn something from. Sometimes they last a lifetime, and sometimes they are a strong chapter and provide an essential lesson in the story of our lives.

This past week my father and I went to Dallas because my mother is in the hospital. We wanted to support my sister who lives locally, and also to make some big choices about my Mother’s care. Without hesitation my family came together.

I drove my Dad over to visit my Mom at the hospital. He hadn’t seen her in this state before. Normally she likes to look as good as possible when she sees him, even though her health has been steadily declining for the past 5 years.

As he sat at the foot of her bed I could feel some awkward energy swirling in the room. My Mom was wearing a few of her favorite rings that she asked for ahead of time. She had applied blush to her cheeks and some lipstick. It seemed sweet that she wanted to feel pretty while he was there, even though they have been divorced for 25 years. She took her oxygen tubes out of her nose, just to feel a little more like herself.

As I watched them talk I started to see the chemistry that was once there. I tried to visualize the party they met at. My mom was a hippie and I pictured her in a sundress and bare feet. She was popular, kind and compassionate. She came from a very modest upbringing. My dad was probably in khaki pants, a pressed button down shirt and penny loafers. He was funny, goofy and had never thought twice about the fact that he probably owned a dozen pairs of good shoes. They were different in so many ways, and that must have been the root of their chemistry. Opposites attract. It was a breath of fresh air for both of them.

Now in this hospital room I can see that they do actually love each other. The four of us are currently doing everything in our power to make my mother as comfortable as possible. It isn’t perfect. There are still the butting of heads. I still roll my eyes like I did when I was 13, but there is a definite healing that is happening. The love that I am seeing has proven to me that souls can unite again.

I wanted to share with you because I know we all have different family struggles. Family dynamics can change like the tide. What seems definite does not have to be that way forever. But just because a relationship changes, doesn’t mean it is a cosmic fluke. There is a reason that souls unite during a lifetime. The theme and current state may be confusing but we can always ask the universe to explain the lesson to us.

I am unclear how this will all play out. And I know that we are in for a big year ahead. But although there is sadness, there is also a great healing happening and for that I am grateful.

54 Responses

    1. Your Dad was my RE agent years ago when I lived in Garden City. Prayers and healing for you and your family. I loved this piece because it’s all soooo true. I also came to see you for a reading in 2007. At that time I was an employed bond trader. You had gotten such a strong sense from me that I owned my own business. At that time I did not. You felt that sense so strongly that you didn’t want to continue the reading in fairness to me. Well, as it turns out you were right. In 2011 I started my own real estate development company. It’s been very successful for me and I absolutely love it. My heartfelt prayers for your mom

    2. What a beautiful blessing, to be a part of the sensitive beginning, then the slowing down and coming together of beautiful memories with energy; then, the building up from there of the love that was there all along…becoming one of Life’s lessons. Thank you for sharing that, Dougall ! Much love to you, your family, and Mom as you move forward together.

    3. Dear Dougall, your words have not only touched my soul but many others. We never see the whole picture as we navigate the twists and turns within our lives. If we did, we would lose the right to make our own choices and our freewill being taken away. How wonderful that new life has brought a togetherness and rekindled a closeness. May the peace and harmony continue to grow within your hearts. knowing that through our darkest hours we are never alone. All that is, is just as it is meant to be. Alison with much love – blesssed be.

    4. Thank you for sharing this healing story. I do believe our relationships are our greatest teachers. Sending much love and peace to you and your family.

    5. Dearest Dougal, May you and your family be Blessed!
      Im moved to tears Reading your story! I have gone through similar where My x husband died I helped him over! His wife he left me for kind of checked out when he got sick..
      His love for me showed and he could talk to me lots of healing! I still in grief and having problem gripping this. Yes important to remember the Love you and your sister was made from.
      Thank you for your honesty and spot on feelings. Just listened to you on Hay House Radio, that was remarkably and made me look you up. Synchronicity in full bloom.
      Light Energies to your mother ☀️💞

    1. Hi Dougall, what touching story. The family dynamic growing up for you was so similar to my family dynamics. I grew up with my parents bickering and arguing all the time. My sister 6 years older did not. They did stay for the children. After 30 years divorced. My mom is in heaven now. Anyway, thank you for sharing your beautiful story with us. You are an amazingly talented writer and coach and I am grateful you are with Hay House.

  1. Brilliant stuff Dougall. It brings tears to my eyes to read. Good for your parents to heal their relationship. I do not believe that any relationship is a mistake and I agree that even soul mates can achieve their goals in a shorter time than one might think.

    That healing of your parents is the pebble in the pond with positive energy that can only ripple out for the benefit of all. And it makes sense that soul mates are going to push buttons in the other – all for mutual growth and evolution. May your mother and father find peace in their journey. Is there any doubt that they were meant to be with each other?

  2. Wow… interesting story. I’m one of those Dougall stalkers that see your emails and loved to watch you on, “That Sex Show”. I’ve done a few things that you’ve offered for free and read your book, “But then you already knew that”. I saw you first on a cruise ship SO many years ago. You did one gig but did no readings since you were on vacation. I live in Dallas and always wished we had met.

    I know you likely have a large support group but if you ever need anything for you or your family in Dallas let me know. I own a winery/wine bar in Uptown. I’d be happy to offer any help. I know this is going to be a tough year for you. Much love! John

  3. Dougall,
    Thank you for this post. Family is such an integral part of our own stories and recognizing that as the dynamics change so does our journey. I offer peace as you and your family walk this path.

  4. Dougall, thank you for sharing such heartfelt words. Please know how very loved and supported you are. Sending healing light to all of you.💞

  5. I am so sorry to hear about your mother. I am praying for her and the whole family. It’s wonderful to hear that love never disappears, it just changes form.

  6. Thank you Dougal
    Sweet love always finds it’s way. I will hold you and your family in beautiful colors and light. Siggy

  7. Thank you for sharing. I walked a similar path with my parents from the bickering divorce to the end of their days. In my mother’s dementia she thought she was still married to my father. You could feel the loving energy between them.
    They’re both on the other side now riding bicycles and going on picnics as when they first met.
    Thank you for reminding me of these memories.
    Jane

  8. Sending love to you and your family. I’m sitting here bawling! I know everything happens for a reason. I just received word that my oldest daughter is financially devastated after losing her husband and now her career. She is moving back home. I’m terrified and stressed, because my husband and I finally had all our kids out of the house and have been healing our marriage. She and I can barely spend three days in a house together just when we visit. I’m very worried what this will do to my relationship with my husband and with my daughter. I can’t imagine how this is going to go, but perhaps this is our circle of healing. I will try to keep the faith that this is so.

  9. Dear Dougall, once again I have to thank you for sharing such a touching story. I was divorced after 25 years of marriage, and found it so confusing! I have two beautiful grown children from that marriage, for which I will always be extremely thankful. But sometimes I wonder why I spent so much time in a loveless marriage? I think it’s because I had so much to learn. I am still learning but at least I’ve let go of enough of my anger to love someone else and myself again.
    I am so glad to hear that your family could come together in a new way when your mom needed all of you.
    You Always make me see things from a new perspective. For that I am very grateful. Thanks again

  10. Wow, so beautiful and brave for sharing your heart space with us. I feel my own healing as I read this. Sending light and prayers for you and your family.

  11. Thank you Dougall for sharing. We all can learn so much from your story of love sending prayers healing love and light to you and your family

  12. So poignant, Dougall. As the circle of life continues, may you and your family be comforted by the rebirth of your family love.

  13. It’s so great that you can own your humanity while also seeing the bigger picture.

    My parents fought my whole childhood. They didn’t divorce because Indians don’t do that.

    My dad passed a year after my
    Mom and I was Shocked. He was healthy and just passed in his sleep.

    The year my son was born I went through a major awakening. One night while breastfeeding my son – I had a major headache.

    Then I heard my father whistle. He was trying to come through. He told me “I couldn’t be there for you guys. Especially your mother in this lifetime. But the minute she called me, I came.”

    It blows my mind and all beliefs about my narrative of my parents.

    Dougall I pray for much grace for your mother and all of you.

  14. Thank you for sharing this beautiful love story. You inspire and touch hearts. I have felt deeply touched by you Dougal. Your honesty, vulnerability, kindness and insight inspires and reaches hearts and minds. Thank you for the gift of you. Sending prayers for you, your mom and your family.

  15. This is extremely moving and I am so glad for you all that this healing is taking place. Bless you all.

  16. This penetrated my heart, Dougall. Thank you for sharing your reflections, your light and love.
    Your parents were such a big part of my teenage years…
    MF & DF ~ Thank you. ❤️

  17. This is so touching and ironically relevant for me, thanks Dougall. My husband and I divorced 8 years ago. It’s been somewhat rocky and this weekend is the first time our family will come together, for our granddaughter’s 1st birthday. I hope it’s the beginning of a healing for us like it was for your family. Best wishes for your mom’s health and for your whole family.

    1. Hi Kris, thank you for your comment. I’ll be thinking of you this weekend and am so glad your family is getting together. Enjoy your granddaughter.

  18. Thank you so much for sharing a story so close to your heart, Dougall. It’s a beautiful example of the healing affects of love and forgiveness.

    I had a painful divorce myself 14 years ago (when my son was a baby) and while it was difficult to co-parent with my ex in the first few years, I kept focusing on the love we both had for our son. Because to me that was all that mattered. And it worked. The hurt and anger dissipated and we learned how to come together in peaceful & collaborative ways to support our son, who is now almost 15 and an amazingly grounded, secure and kind-hearted teenager. I’m very proud of my co-parenting relationship and of the beautiful son we raised separately, yet together.

    Much love and light to you, your mom and family. xo

  19. Thank you for sharing this beautiful insight about relationships. As recently this past year there was a rift between myself and one of my sisters. I realize we are all on our own paths and both must go through our own healing process but you are correct that other things may bring us back together in some way. There is hope.

    Blessings to you and your family.

  20. This touches me on 2 levels…one, bc I’ve just gone thru divorce and always have to balance my feelings for my ex husband bc of our kids and trying to stay a separated but united family. And two, when you mentioned the different perspectives you and your sister had about your parents. My sister is 10 yrs older than me and had a completely different childhood than me…two happy and loving parents. During my formative years they didn’t get along at all and it was a totally unhappy home. Interesting to see that exists in other families too

  21. Thank you for sharing this heart warming and healing story about your divorced parents making peace with each other at the tail end of life. My ex husband and I are working on peace-making and loving -kindness towards each other so that my son and family can experience this healing process. Old patterns creep in from time to time and we remind ourselves of our intentions to arrive at peaceful resolutions. We continue to live apart and work at healing the negative aspects of our relationship.
    May love and peace be with your mom and dad and your family.

  22. If just u mom ask for help to archangel Raphael and Michael and her guardian angel o let it go and let it God to take her anger for the past , she will heal the cancer , she don’t need to feel guilty at all ! Many blessings !

  23. This whole story touches my heart is so many ways. It is a beautiful reflection. And shows just how healing can take place. It speaks to me in my own marriage and my kids. As I heal my heart I can see what brought us together, and help heal the whole family. Thanks for reminding me that things don’t have to stay any certain way, change and healing can come in unexpected ways. Sending prayers to you and your family.

  24. Thanks for sharing, Dougall. What moving family portrait in progress. I witnessed and experienced similar healing when my mom was sick – there’s something about crisis that opens our hearts and forces us to revisit our priorities. Not surprisingly, your family is finding all the beautiful opportunities in this painful situation. Sending all of you lots of love.

  25. Prayers for your mom and family, Dougall. It is nice that there has been some healing, yet I am ever apparent of how many times in life it takes something like an addition to the family, an unexpected illness or sometimes a tragedy to make that come about. For that I get sad, yet there is so much awakening, healing, love and gratitude that emerges. And that is beautiful, no matter how it comes to light. It was brave of you to share, to open your heart to your community. Love & light, Strength and more healing be ever-present with you and your family.

  26. I am going through a divorce right now. It is something that I don’t really want to do and I don’t believe that she really does either. It feels like such a waste of all the love, effort, and sacrifices we made for eachother. But there is so much between us right now that is not good or healthy. Our so.n is 13 and though he doesn’t show it we know he is in pain. I found this article while looking fpr a story I read once about how helping people comes full circle. You’re bringing me tears of hope. Thank you so much for this positive emergy.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *