The other day our dear friends Amy and Annie invited us to celebrate the 4th of July at their house.  The email stated that it would be an afternoon pool party with a small group of friends, perhaps some poker and then ultimately we would end the evening watching the fireworks at CBS studios across the street from their complex.  I have lived in Los Angeles for four years now and have done my darnedest to avoid swimming at a pool party.  Luckily for me, rarely do people actually swim at a pool party.  Sure some parents jump in with their kids, but there are usually at least a handful of people who have the same look that I do.  Our eyes seem to say I’d have to be on fire to jump in that pool!

My earliest memories are of avoiding public swimming.  One summer at Camp Sloane we had to all wait on line to take a swim test.  I think the idea was that we were first time campers and they needed to asses how well each of us could swim.

“Look, Dougall has more rolls than a Deli!”  Mark quipped.

Mark’s friends laughed at his comment, and I started to feel nauseous.  I wanted to run away,  or call my parents to come pick me up.  I’d much rather be home watching an episode of the Bionic Woman, she’d never judge me for being overweight!  With everyone watching, I knew that I needed to say something back to Mark.

“You know, I have a disease”,  I calmly replied.
“Re-really?”  Mark stammered.

As I stared into Mark’s now vulnerable eyes, I started to ramble about my new “disease.”

“You see, my body creates too much blood.”

The cool kids stopped smirking and got very quiet so they could listen.

“When I am at home I have to see a doctor once a week, and they drain my blood so that I can be a normal weight.  But because we are at camp, they don’t have the proper equipment so I keep gaining blood; not weight.  It’s really painful, but I don’t care.  I just want to be at camp and have fun like the other kids.”   He embarrassed me so I figured he deserved an extra helping of guilt.

“Wow I had no idea, how much do you weigh now?”  Mark asked. I keenly remember being the first of my friends to weigh 100 pounds.  Everyone else weighed around 75.
“Right now I weigh 100 pounds.  But after they drain me I weigh around 75.”

For the rest of that summer if I was made fun of, my new friends would gently explain to others that I had a disease.  I’d pop another donut in the mess hall and look their way in disgust; for I was living with a rare –VERY rare — blood disease.

As you can see, my avoidance of pool parties started as far back as I can remember.  I think that because I was overweight and insecure as a child, it’s difficult for me to let go of that identity. As an adult, I actually love to swim.  Oceans, lakes, or pools, I find the water to be a very calming and spiritual experience.  If David and I are on vacation, I swim without reservation.  Why?  Because I feel safe with him.  There is something that triggers me when I am invited to swim at a party with people I have just met.  Perhaps I am not ready for them to see my vulnerability?

“I’m packing a bag for Amy and Annie’s.  Should I throw in your swim suit?”  David asks.
“I’m only jumping in that pool if I can wear a Burka. Do you really think everyone will be swimming?”
“No, I probably won’t swim either.”

David grabs the keys and his bag containing his suit and a towel.  For a brief second a voice in my head says, just bring your bathing suit.  Don’t be weak.

We open the front door and the gush of hot air from outside is startling.  Before I can even fasten my seat belt, the heat is causing each of us to perspire.

When we arrive at our destination we are greeted by Annie at the door.

“The boys are here!”  Annie calls back to her friends.

Annie is adorable.  She is wearing a pair of exercise shorts over her suit, flip flops on her feet, and chic Marc Jacobs sunglasses.  We hug immediately and I can’t help but look into the kitchen where the rest of her friends are standing.  Of course they are in their bathing suits.  It’s 95 degrees in the desert!

My heart is racing as I walk into the kitchen.  Technically speaking these are new friends of ours.  David and I double date with Amy and Annie a few times a month, and each time our friendship gets deeper.  I trust them.  They see me and I try to see them.  Not physically, but emotionally and spiritually.  We meet their other friends and I am very aware that these are their close friends; we have been invited into their circle and I feel grateful.

“You boys brought your suits right?”  Annie asks.
“People are swimming? Is everyone swimming?  Are you swimming?”  I ask Amy.
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”  Amy replies.

I hear David in the background talking and I can’t quite concentrate. My inner 8 year old overweight child starts to panic.  It doesn’t seem like the right time to explain my faux blood disease to anyone.  Within a flash I am alone with Annie in the kitchen. She is looking right at me with that I see you look.  And she has an I care about you expression in her eyes.

“Come on.  It’s hot.  Let’s all go for a swim.”
“Ugh, can I hate you for it?”

She wraps her arm around me and says “If you need to.”

Ok. Ok. Ok.  I will get my bathing suit.

I hop in our Prius to make the trek back to our house and I feel sad.  I don’t like when my issues get in the way of my life experience.  I have friends and family who won’t leave the house because of anxiety.  I know people who won’t challenge themselves with their career, or avoid public speaking, or dozens of other ways that people’s insecurities manifest.  Right now my not wanting to swim in front of people seems pathetic.  My phone beeps and I look down to a text message from David.  “I love you,”  it says.

God that man knows me.

Within about 15 minutes I am back to Amy and Annie’s, suit and towel in hand.  I can hear everyone in the pool laughing and talking while I climb the steps of their complex.  Walking through the gate I lean over the railing.

“Got my suit.  I am going to go change!”

When I come out of the bathroom Amy is standing in the living room.  I don’t even have a second to examine or primp or prepare for my vulnerable moment.

She looks up to me with her sparkly blue eyes and says  “Let’s go face the pool together.”

Amy and I get down to the pool and I take a very healthy swig of my sangria.  The water is sparkling and literally begging me to come in.  Everyone is chatting and floating.  I take off my shirt and of course there is no audible gasp of disgust.  I try to realize that yes I am not ripped. But I also realize I have total Body Dysmorphic Disorder.  The only person in this moment thinking about my body, is me.  I take a breath and walk the steps into the pool.  Honestly, my worry/anxiety was gone so fast it’s almost comical.  My mind can create a block and exaggerate a fear to such an enormous level.  When I finally confront it, the rate of it dissipating is both magical and somewhat shocking.

We spent the afternoon floating in the pool sipping sangria and gabbing.  The water felt cool and refreshing on such a hot day.  We talked about religion, TV, corn dogs (which by the way are delicious), movies, relationships and countless other topics.  The night ended with us all poolside laying down on lounge chairs looking up into the sky watching a fantastic fireworks display.  With each burst of color, I let the light ignite passion inside my soul.  I was grateful to have new friends that I felt safe with, and promised myself that I would spend the year diving into life.

For some people, my pool issues may be relatable.  If not, I ask that you take a look at your own personal “pool” issue.  Perhaps you haven’t seen close family and friends in awhile due to a fear of flying?  Or maybe fear is keeping you from making new friends or dating.  Perhaps you didn’t make a toast at a loved one’s wedding due to shyness.

Typically most human beings have some fear that gets in the way of life experience.  Our minds often try to protect us from danger by using fear.  The lesson is to remember that your mind can also trick you into sitting on the sidelines of life.  My advice is to get over it and just jump in the pool.  It feels great once you’re in the water.  Much love to you all.

Posted by Dougall | 22 Comments » | Tags: best psychics, psychic, psychics in los angeles, spiritual healing

The other night I got a text from a friend, asking if I could come in the following day to be a guest on the new Melissa Etheridge radio show.  As if this should be a question at all?  There are certain opportunities in life that present themselves, and you do them without hesitation.  I immediately replied with a resounding; OF COURSE!!!!!  Living in Los Angeles, I have become accustomed to seeing and sometimes working with celebrities.  But then there are the moments when I have the honor of working with a person that I really admire, and no matter how cool I try to play it – I get nervous.

That morning I popped out of bed and tried to convince myself that my anxiety was just enthusiasm for this interview.  “I feel frannies!” I said to David.  “Frannies” (short for frantic)  is a word I tend to use when I’m feeling nervous about something.  I channeled my creative energy into selecting the perfect outfit (keep in mind that this is radio and no one will actually see what I am wearing).  I poured myself a cup of Joe and ate a piece of toast with David’s world-famous eggplant spread.  That spread could change lives.  As I sipped my coffee, that pesky inner-voice started rambling:

What if my readings are terrible?
What if people don’t call in?
You better be careful with what you say mister!

After years of doing readings privately and in front of audiences, I have become pretty good at ignoring that voice and pushing through it.  As I arrived at the studio, I was greeted by my dear friend Heather, who produces the show.  I was hoping that seeing a familiar face would relax me, but unfortunately that voice popped up again.

Don’t make Heather look bad!  This a new project for her and she asked you to come in, so you better call out some winning lottery numbers!

I quietly walked into the room, pulled up a chair and put my earphones on to eavesdrop on the conversation.  Melissa has the most soothing tone to her voice.  She was setting up the next segment that I would be a part of.

“My favorite Psychic and Queer Guy Dougall Fraser will be joining us, and we will be taking your calls”,  Melissa effortlessly says into the mic.

How cool is it that she just said I am her favorite psychic?  It’s game time.  When I do a public appearance, be it TV or Radio I do a small visualization in my mind’s eye.  It is essentially a short version of my color meditation. I can still carry on a conversation with people around me and not a single person in the room knows that I am gearing up to connect with energy.  Not only am I opening my psychic senses, but more importantly I am asking that “crazy” self-sabotage voice to take a back seat.

Before I even have a chance to worry about getting calls, the room starts to look like a dance club.  There is a flashing strobe light in front of me that has PHONE PHONE written all over it to alert us that calls are coming in.  There can’t be a ringer because we are on the air, so I close my eyes to avoid the flashing (and a possible seizure).  Within seconds our first caller is patched through to us.

“This is Melissa Etheridge and Trisha you are on The Melissa Etheridge show, say hi to Dougall.”

I listen to Trisha ask her question about her desire to become the principal of her school.  Immediately I can sense in her voice and her energy that she hasn’t quite reached the point of owning a leadership position.  There is hesitation and a fair amount of self-doubt.  Trisha and I banter back and forth about her self-doubt and I give her manifesting tips on owning that position before the job is even offered to her.

“Basically Trisha, you have to fake it till you make it!”  I say into the mic.  Then I have a thought.  “Melissa, I’m curious, when you are backstage at a concert do you ever have self-doubt?”

I was a little nervous about asking this question to a Grammy winner.  I know for myself that when I see someone perform in front of thousands of people on a very regular basis, I just assume that they are void of self-doubt, stage fright, or any resemblance of my crazy voice.  I can’t recall exactly what she said but here it is in a nutshell.

“Of course I do!” Melissa quickly replies.  “but when I am backstage and hear the roar of the crowd I think to myself, ‘they seem to think I am a Rock Star.  I guess I better go out there and BE a rock star!”

I love this answer, and think that it will help our caller.  “Trisha!  If Melissa Etheridge, Grammy-winning, multi platinum-selling recording artist has self-doubt, then everyone must have it.  The trick is to push through it.”

This boggles my mind and also gives me a great sense of peace.  I have read for thousands of people in my career.  And one of the most common struggles I witness as  a psychic and life coach is self-doubt.  It can be as simple as hesitating to strike up a conversation with a stranger at a party.   Or being the first person in a relationship to say I love you.  It could be setting a meeting up with your boss to pitch a new idea.  Or with me it might be a case of the frannies due to being on air with Melissa Etheridge.

Between breaks Melissa and I chatted about her kids, TV, books, cities and my mind started to ease that I was no longer talking to a rock star.  I was just connecting with another person.

When I left the studio I had this fantasy about having Melissa on my show.  As soon as I had that thought, that charming voice entered my mind.

Are you crazy? You think Melissa Etheridge has time to come on your rinky dink show?

When I got home I reflected on what a day I had, and how blessed I am to meet such creative souls on my journey in life.  Then an even stronger and more powerful voice entered my head.

Why not just ask her team if she wants to be a guest?  The worst scenario is that they say no.  What do you have to lose?

Before mister negative voice could pipe up in my head, I emailed Heather, asking if she thought Melissa would ever do a quick segment on my show.  Within seconds she replied with a resounding yes!

This week I ask you to look at self-doubt and hesitation in your life.  When we are in our flow we express ourselves freely without attachment to a response or outcome.  As a psychic and life coach I am constantly practicing quieting my mind so that my heart can do the talking.  Let’s all take some time to erase hesitation from our minds and leap directly into life!

Posted by Dougall | 4 Comments » | Tags: best psychics, life coaching, psychic, psychics in los angeles, spiritual healing

This week David and I will celebrate our fourth year of marriage. It is only as I sit down to write this that I realize our wedding is during the same month as gay pride! That was not planned at all. We selected the date based on where we wanted to get married and what seemed to work for the majority of our families. Planning our wedding was a very profound energetic experience. Weddings can bring up so many feelings and issues for both sides of the family. I don’t think our parents’ generation grew up brainstorming and fantasizing about what their gay son’s wedding would look like. In fairness, I never thought about it either. When I first came out, I figured I would have to give up on certain rights of passage. Attending a prom, having children, getting married, public displays of affection – the list could go on. In the naiveté of my youth I just assumed and accepted that these things would not be a part of my life. As I matured and fell in love with David, my heart and soul blossomed; I wanted the same experiences as my heterosexual friends and family.

In the course of our eight years together, I think David will agree that I tend to be ready for the next move a little before he is. And when it came to the idea of getting married, I was ready way before David. The topic of marriage came up when we had been together for three years. I would tell David that it was starting to feel important to me. We attended many of our good friends’ weddings, and I loved the idea of committing to each other in front of our community. It was an important step for our loved ones to witness. It had nothing to do with the legal aspect of getting married, as at the time gay marriage was not recognized in NY (where we lived).

The day that we got engaged, David and I were on vacation in Curacao at this amazing resort called The Lodge at Kura Hulanda. The Lodge had only recently opened so it was still an undiscovered gem. The hotel is on the Western end of the island, perched on the side of a cliff. We discovered that every afternoon around 5:30PM, the beach would become deserted. We would slowly descend the stone stairs and wade into the clear blue water. After a few minutes of floating, we would glance from side to side to make sure the coast was clear, start laughing, and then slip our bathing suits off. Every day we would swim for about an hour, watching the sun set all alone in the water.
“So I have been thinking,” David says.
“Well don’t hurt yourself.”
“Stop it.” David playfully splashes me.
“I’m kidding – what have you been thinking?”
“Wanna get married?” David asks.
“Are you serious?”
“I am.”
“I do!”
“My family is going to freak out,” David says. “I need a drink!” We spent the rest of the night in our own utopia.

In this moment we weren’t worried about civil unions versus marriage, or a Christian vs. Jewish service. We were two young people in love, two souls who want to spend the rest of their lives together. We wanted to create a home, and encourage each other to be the best that we can be. Most importantly, we wanted the support of our soul group.

When we returned to New York, we decided to tell my family first about the news. I have been very blessed with a constant source of unconditional love from my family. My mother, my father and sister were immediately delighted. A bouquet of flowers arrived, a crystal vase from Tiffany’s, and they welcomed David into their hearts with great ease. Unfortunately, David’s family did not have as positive of a reaction. We weren’t shocked that they spent the next year of wedding planning basically pretending it wasn’t happening.

As June 10th, 2007 kept getting closer and closer, I would be as present as possible for David as he processed the pain that almost none of his family would be attending our wedding. Everyone around us kept telling him that they’ll come around with time. “Just give it time” was the echoing sentiment. Seven days before the wedding itself, we only had his mother and one sister’s confirmation that they would be there.
“He says he can’t stomach it,” David says as he puts down the phone.
“David, I am so sorry.”

My biggest fear for the wedding weekend seems so silly in hindsight. I didn’t have cold feet. I wasn’t worried about being in front of all those people. I even felt fairly confident saying our vows in Hebrew. What I was most worried about was kissing David in front of his family. As a gay man, I started to get very comfortable knowing when I was safe and when I wasn’t safe. Walking the streets of the Upper West Side in New York City, and holding David’s hand – safe. Holding hands and kissing in parts of Dallas (where I used to live) – questionable. Being affectionate in front of my family and our friends – safe. Being affectionate around David’s religious family – not safe.

The night before the big event, my anxiety level about David’s mother and sister was through the roof. My 91-year-old grandmother, my sister and my aunt threw us a beautiful rehearsal dinner. Seventy of us sat under a tent overlooking Peconic Bay, and ate lobsters. After dinner, many of our friends stood to toast and affirm our love. The profound energy and love that was sent our way is indescribable. My parents’ conservative friends would stand and admit that they had changed their minds about gay marriage, and felt so lucky to know us. Our peers would tell silly stories and send us good wishes. As I looked around the room I could feel the support, energy and love.

When it was our turn to stand and address our loved ones, I explained my apprehension and fear about kissing David. This is such a simple human behavior, and yet for me (and I think for many gay people) it’s something that does not always feel safe to do in public. When we check into this hotel will they be rude about us requesting one bed? Is it safe to hug or hold hands in this mall, store, airport, street, city, or restaurant? Feeling safe to be one’s authentic self is something that many people take for granted.

“I am about to kiss David and I want you all to cheer!”
David and I leaned in to kiss, and the entire room burst into a cheerful roar. We hugged and smiled; they applauded, whistled and hollered. It was one of the safest feelings I have ever had. The rest of the wedding events were wonderful. We danced, we kissed, we held hands – we were in love and unstoppable. I even had a moment with David’s Mom where we embraced in tears.

The Monday after the wedding we headed back to New York City to prepare for our honeymoon. We unpacked our clothes and started doing laundry in preparation for our flight.
“Hey Hubby!”
“Yes Davey?”
“Let’s go to the drugstore and get sun block.”
In a blissful haze, we rounded the corner and headed uptown holding hands. Still feeling the high from our wedding weekend, we were beyond excited for our trip to Tahiti. We stopped at the corner of 87th and Broadway, when out of nowhere a teenager around the age of fourteen pops up in front of us. He stops and assumes a mock ballerina pose, and starts twirling on his tippy toes in front of us. His friends behind him are lisping and aggressively waving limp wrists at us. They laugh and run away.

My heart froze. The world cracked for a moment and my entire being was filled with fear. My blissful haze was trampled by a fourteen-year-old homophobe.
“I want to go home,” I shakily said to David.
“I do too.”

When we got back to our apartment, we flopped on the bed and stared at the ceiling in disbelief. My heart and mind were racing. Technically this incident wasn’t even that big of a deal. I have had way worse. I have been walking down a street all alone and had someone scream faggot out of their window as they drive by. I have been called the F-word at school, an airport, Times Square, and a mall. But this moment snapped me into a completely different energy. It was a reminder that our wedding weekend was a bit of a bubble, surrounded by friends and family during a private event. The truth is, in the real world I did, and still do, have to be careful.
The next morning, we hailed a taxi for JFK airport. I got to be in charge of our honeymoon, and I researched for MONTHS. Together we decided on a budget and agreed that I could book whatever I wanted. I found an amazing deal for business class tickets direct from New York to Tahiti.
“Do we really need to get to the airport three hours early?” David asks.
“For what these tickets cost I want every “free” thing they offer!”
Mr. Fraser, Mr Harel your flight is boarding now. We both finish our glass of champagne and canapes, leave the admirals club and head to our gate. As we step onto the plane, the flight attendant hands us each a Tiare flower and escorts us to our seats. Everyone in business class is clearly going on their honeymoon. You can hear couples giggling. We are all pressing the fancy buttons on our seats. Everyone is taking photos and kissing.
“Excuse me. Do you mind taking our photo?” the man sitting to our left says.
“Of course!” David replies. I watch David stand up and give them light directions for the photo.
“Ok, lean a little to the left. Now kiss. Adorable. Are you going on your honeymoon?”
David returns to his seat and we both start looking over the menu for our flight.
“There are three meals?”
“Well it is a 13 hour flight.”
“Do you guys want me to take your photo?” the same man says to us. We hand the camera to him and pose. He looks at the screen and looks back up at us.
“Guys, it’s safe,” this stranger says.
I realize that we probably looked a little nervous. I don’t know this guy. I don’t know this airline. I don’t know these people. We are about to be in the air for 13 hours and I am not sure if it’s a safe environment.
David and I slightly change our pose – we interlock fingers and I put my other arm around him.
“Perfect!” the man and his new wife smile. He snaps a shot of us smiling and embracing in our plush comfy seats. The four of us spent about an hour talking about our weddings and where we were each staying in a paradise that was now only 11 hours away.

I share this story in honor of gay pride. We are now residents of the state of California and are grateful to be one of the 18,000 legally married couples in the state. Gay marriage is a hot topic of debate in our current political climate. This week I proudly celebrate the love I have for my husband and the love I have for my community – we still have a long road ahead in our country for equal rights. May we all feel safe to be who we truly are. Much love and light to everyone.

Posted by Dougall | 16 Comments » | Tags: best psychics, life coaching, psychic, psychics in los angeles, spiritual healing

One of the benefits of having a high-energy dog is that he acts as our unintentional personal trainer. Whether or not I feel like exercising, Bernie needs a 45 minute walk daily, or he will literally start bouncing 5 feet in the air until we take him out. “Alright Capital Bern, let’s go!”, I will often say. That’s right, my nickname for our dog Bernie is Capital Bern. Don’t ask why, I created it and it has stuck.

At least 5 times a week we take Capital Bern for a hike in our area. If I have a lot of readings and work to get done, it’s best to exhaust him so he spends the rest of the day asleep under my desk. This particular hike costs three dollars for parking. Apparently you can purchase a year long pass, but the procrastinator in me has yet to do this. One of our favorite things to do post-hike is to take our parking pass and give it to the next person pulling in to the parking lot. It doesn’t matter if they roll up in a Bentley or a Smart Car, every single person beams with excitement as I offer them the free $3 ticket.

“Really?”, says an impeccably dressed woman in her Beemer convertible.

“For real!”, I respond and hand her the ticket.

Most people look directly into my eyes with gratitude and excitement about this little perk. It’s a great feeling to do something nice for no reason.

The other day as David, Capital Bern and I were driving over to our hike, I was feeling a little crabby.

“How come we never get free tickets?” I grumble to David.

“What?”

“I’m just saying that we spend at least $15 a week on this hike and we give our parking pass away every time. It would be nice to have someone give us a pass for a change. Sometimes I want to be the one getting the pass.”

“Someone is in a mood.” David mumbles.

“What, I can’t ask the question? What about all the as you give so shall you receive?”

“Alright, Sir Grumps-a-lot. Just go buy the ticket.”

As I hop out of the car, David slowly pulls into a parking place. I am still feeling oddly grumpy. I pull out my three dollars and feed them into the machine. As I listen to the machine print out my ticket, I look down and realize that there is a ticket already in the dispenser!

Before I can even process that I received a gift, the ticket that I purchased prints out of the machine. These moments are what I like to call “Mini Miracles”. I was so wrapped up in my own grumpy mood that I missed out on an opportunity to receive. It didn’t even cross my mind that someone may have left a ticket for us. My mind was so focused on the lack that it was all I could see. In reality, there was a gift right in front of my face – literally.

Mini miracles are a topic that I talk to clients about all the time. I was recently coaching a client, and we were discussing their fear of not having enough gas in the car. Could they make it to work, day care, and the grocery store on their gas budget? As gas prices fluctuate daily, it’s hard to budget. We all have these moments in our lives when we get hooked on the lack rather than the abundance. At the end of the session I invited my client to look for any mini miracles during the week. And here I was not exactly walking the walk.

My parking pass experience made me look at a lesson that I teach clients all of the time. In order to attract abundance and prosperity, it is imperative that we see the blessings right in front of our face.

During our hike, David playfully made fun of me for my grumpy attitude and we laughed about finding the “free” ticket. I made a promise to myself to be more observant and thankful for every mini miracle that I noticed.

Luckily, the Universe gave me another chance the very next day. I love farmers markets. I love seeing the bounty of fresh produce each week, and I really enjoy supporting our local farmers. On this particular day, we woke up a little later than usual and were running behind. Spring is in full throttle here in Los Angeles, and while getting dressed I had a craving for iced coffee. I kept thinking about how much I would enjoy a Starbucks iced coffee while perusing the fun selections at the market. My mind was playing the movie in my head.

“One grande iced skinny vanilla latte please!”

“Iced Skinny for D’Gall!”, the barista would yell.

I’d roll my eyes and smile; people always get my name wrong.

When we got to the market it was a little too late to stop for a coffee, so I skipped it.

Twenty minutes later, with four burlap bags filled with enough veggies to feed an ashram, David and I trekked back to our car.

“What is that in the parking lot?”, David asked.

“It looks like they are giving away some kind of sample, and I need that sample.”

With every step across the street, the sign got clearer and clearer. There was a tall man standing behind a table with an Illy Coffee logo, and he was handing out samples.

“It’s free coffee!”

“Can I interest you in an iced cappuccino?” my miracle barista asked.

“Yes please!”

Illy is one of Italy’s finest coffee companies, even better than Starbucks. The barista took photos of me tasting samples and then handed me four large iced coffees to take home for free. This time I did not miss the mini miracle, and felt so grateful as I sipped the ice-cold java that I had been envisioning. That afternoon we went back for another hike to work off my coffee high.

“I am going to check the machine before I put the money in this time.”

Before I could even get out of the car, I saw a ticket flapping in the breeze, sticking out of the dispenser. Yes mini miracles!

The lesson for me this week is to recognize the amazing gifts that the universe brings us every day. How often do you list the mini miracles in your life? If you think about it, they happen all of the time. As I scan back through my week I can think of dozens of miracles that happen every day:

The sound David makes when I make him laugh.

The sunset.

Picking a lemon from the lemon tree, IN MY YARD!

The heirloom tomatoes, zucchini, and red bell peppers growing in our front yard.

Complimentary iced coffee.

A complimentary hike.

The nice man at the plant store giving us ten percent off just because we were friendly.

Ten dollars I found in an old pair of jeans.

These mini miracles happen every single day. We get so busy with life that we forget to acknowledge the simple things. My belief in the law of attraction is that by recognizing the mini miracles, we attract bigger and brighter gifts. So this week I invite you to stop, look around you and see what gifts are right in front of your face. Actually, start with my site. There is something free for everyone here. Did you see it?

Posted by Dougall | 8 Comments » | Tags: best psychics, life coaching, psychic, psychics in los angeles, spiritual healing

I have inherited some wonderful traits from my family.  My ability to feel, love, and be compassionate to those around me comes from my mother – without a doubt.  My business savvy and courage to stand tall was given to me by my father.  We all inherit traits from our family; some good, some bad.   Haven’t you had that moment where a phrase rolls off your tongue, or the way you stand will send chills down your spine?

“OMG I am becoming my mother!” – we might say.

Recently I celebrated my 34th birthday and was trying to decide how to celebrate.  As any control freak I like to come up with the idea.  I’m not a fan of birthday candles, parties, songs, or anything over the top.  I have made it abundantly clear to David that there is to be no surprise party ever.  I repeat, ever.  David and I usually like to go away for a couple of days, to relax and reflect on the year.  We are still fairly new to living in California, and seeing new cities is a fun way to escape for a few days and learn about our state.  This year we decided to check out Paso Robles.  Paso Robles is about 4 hours north of Los Angeles and is a popular location for wine tasting, delicious food and charming boutique hotels; three of my favorite things.

What?  You thought I camped in a tee-pee for a yoga retreat on my vacations?  Please, I’m a Taurus.  I thought it would be fun to stay in a remote B&B, and spend Saturday touring wineries and having a great dinner.  My mind kept wandering to all of the bad things I was going to allow myself to do on my birthday.

Maybe I can have a cheeseburger for lunch?  What kind of fatty meal am I going to have for dinner? I usually have this ridiculous rule that calories don’t count on my birthday.  However, that rule also applies to vacation too.  And I was just on vacation…  Something in my head clicked.  Why do I reward myself with food?

I started thinking about turning 34 and what that meant.  Many of you who follow my work may know that I talk about my weight incessantly.  There is a reason for this.  The majority of my extended family is very overweight.  There is an unspoken rule in our family that we do not really discuss it.   Sure, we encourage a person when they say they are on a diet.  Or we agree with their excuses for not exercising (This road is too steep.  I don’t have the right shoes.  I can’t do that I’m too old).  Or we agree that it’s due to some other reason outside of their control (This car is too small.  Plane seats are meant for little people.  There are no comfortable chairs in this restaurant).  Rarely if ever is weight the reason for any of the above issues.

I’ve noticed it more as my niece and nephew get older.  With a five and almost two year old, there is a lot of running around  (scooping up Talula so she doesn’t fall over,  or diving behind a couch with Thomson because there is a sudden storm trooper attack).  The universe is helping me get over my sports issues through my sport-obsessed nephew.

“Uncle, Uncle, Uncle, Dougall.  Do you have tickets to a baseball game?”  My nephew says while kicking the soccer ball my way with admirable precision.

“No, my love.  I don’t.”  I utter with a spastic kick in return.

But some of my family members struggle to partake in these family activities.  Not because of bad shoes.  Or Hypoglycemia.  Or a sore neck.  Or back issues.  It’s mainly because of weight.  As I type this, I keep rereading and thinking that I can’t say these things.  What if I hurt their feelings?  It’s as if their size and struggle is somehow a secret.  All of these thoughts and words are said with love.  Ultimately my journey is to break this cycle and continue to be healthy and active.

I think many peoples’ weight issues take hold when they reach their mid 30′s.  And here I am, officially in my mid 30′s.  I have kept my weight off for well over a decade.  Actually, it’s been so long that most people don’t believe I was ever overweight.  I think about it every single day.  If you ever see me or dine with me at a restaurant, one of two things is happening.  I have either spent a good 45 minutes looking at the menu online and choosing my meal in advance, or I partake in what I call “crazy chanting”.  As I open the menu, I immediately zoom in on the healthiest and the worst option on that menu.  Then starts the crazy chanting in my head.

Burger? Salad?  Burger? Salad?  Burger? Salad?

As I am scrolling websites for private cars to take us wine tasting, a thought popped into my head.  What if this year, in an effort to commit to breaking my families’ pattern, I incorporate exercise into my birthday?  What a novel idea!  No breakfast in bed?  French Fries for lunch?  No, this year I will reward myself with a bike tour through California wine country.

I quickly googled bike tours in Paso Robles Ca and Central Coast Outdoors came up!  I fired off an email to get information and also called them up.  I was flooded with excitement and fear.  Could I do this?  17 miles?  Is that far on a bike?  I know it’s far for jogging.  But biking?  I can do a spin class.  I hike all the time.  I think I am in good shape?  I clicked on every page of their site and felt assured by the images of women in their sixties, smiling in bike gear while sipping a glass of pinot grigio.

The morning of the tour, David and I were buzzing with excitement.

“Thanks for coming up with this idea Doogy.”

“Sure! I am a little nervous.”

We were greeted by our trusty tour guide John, an energetic, kind, and thorough guy.  He adjusted our bikes to the correct height and explained some minor safety precautions.  As we rounded the first corner and gained momentum down a hill, my heart was racing.  Can I do this?  Am I this person?  There is something about any physical activity that makes me feel so completely out of place.  It has never felt natural to me.  I am at home when entertaining, setting a table, speaking at a venue, waiting for my flight in an admirals club – you get the idea.  Every day at the gym I feel like an impostor.  Sneakers are the equivalent of full football gear to me.  And here I am – wearing a helmet and racing down a public road.  We traveled about 6 miles before reaching our first stop and all the while I felt insanely alive.  I wasn’t out of breath; actually it felt really easy.

“Ok, guys, now is when you make the choice.  Do we do the 12 miles?  Or would you prefer to do the longer ride of 17?” John asks with judgement-free eyes.

“17 for sure!  And let’s go faster!”  I chirped.

We sped off and I loved every single second of it.  We were warned about one particular hill that was quite killer.  Upon approach of what I later referred to as “vomit peak”, my legs pumped and pumped and pumped.  In my head I repeated these words:

Dougall, think of the strength and the weakness that you have inherited from your family.  On this day you are changing a pattern.  You are creating your own destiny of health and wellness.

My heart was racing, my legs were burning – but my soul was alive.

The end of the ride was much easier.  We finished at a winery and had a tasting.

“I think I taste berry?”  David says, dripping in sweat with a sparkle in his eye.

“It is a fruit-forward wine.”

We know very little about wine, but like to pretend that we do and make each other laugh about it.  With each taste they pour us we giggle at our astute reactions.

“This Pinot has a hint of leather and just a dash of Cheetos.”  I say as I swirl.

“Oh.  No I taste Cool Ranch Dressing in this.”  David giggles.

We purchase a bottle of wine and head out for our gourmet lunch on their patio.  No cheese burger, no fries.  They served Tabbouleh, smoked salmon, bread, turkey and salad.  And a small bite of chocolate brownie.  It was perfection.

When we got back to our bed and breakfast, we both climbed the stairs to our room, wincing with every step.

“Oh my god, my legs feel like jelly!”

“And how painful was that seat!  Now we’re DEFINITELY not having children!”

We both fell into bed and into my second favorite past time – a nap.

The lesson for me this birthday and this week is to recognize the patterns in our families.  Whether we like it or not, most of the traits of our loved ones that trigger us are traits that we see in ourselves.  This week I invite you to take a look at what family ties are working for you, and more importantly which ones are working against you.  You will then be in a better position to let go of the traits that don’t serve you.

Posted by Dougall | 8 Comments » | Tags: blog, clairvoyant, dougall fraser psychic, paso robles, psychic, psychic reading

I think that I might be a perfectionist.  Or at least a version of one.  Typically when I think of your quintessential perfectionist, my mind conjures up an image of a 40-something person with perfect hair, skin and nails.  They walk the planet with the kind of body that says “I don’t need things like french fries to have a good time”.  They cook, clean, and balance their checkbooks perfectly.  Basically they are nothing like me.  However, recently I had to own that I suffer from certain perfectionist issues.  On Tuesday morning, as I prepared for our live show I was feeling really confident about it.  We had a terrific guest coming on, Danielle MacKinnon who is a wonderful animal intuitive.  Whenever I prepare for an event or show, I do a lot of talking in my head.  I think of questions to ask.  Maybe I’ll prepare a (hopefully) funny anecdote and try to think of how to make the hour entertaining and informative.  At this point we are about three months into doing our weekly show and it’s starting to feel like a well-oiled machine.  In fact I might be getting overly confident.

“Do you want to brainstorm some optional topics for the show?” David says.

“Nah, Danielle has a super personality – I’m not worried at all.”

“Benny just texted me saying they are in a new studio. and let’s try and connect early to make sure everything is working.”

I vaguely hear what David is saying because I am busy trying to telepathically communicate with our dog, Bernie.

Now Bernie, you tell Danielle whatever you want about David and me.  But make sure to tell her that you love me more.  And please don’t tell her about how I baby-talk to you when we’re alone.  Or how I like to do a coffee dance for you in the morning.

We hop in the car and head over to the studio.  I have always been fascinated with the way TV and radio broadcasts function.  It still amazes me that we tape in a studio in LA, and then the show airs in several cities all over the country and online – and typically that happens seamlessly.  When we arrive in Burbank we are about 25 minutes early as I am early to EVERYTHING.  David and I take our seats in the studio and the technology magic happens.  We use a special ISDN line to make sure that we sound crystal clear during the show.  The show airs on our flagship station KKNW in Seattle, so every Tuesday we dial into their ISDN line from Los Angeles.

I lay out my outline for the show, take a sip of water and start to read aloud as a warm up.

“Danielle Mackinnon. Mack-Kinnon.  Mah-Kinnon.  Muh-Kinnon.  Danielle MacKinnon joins us!”

As I repeat her name over and over I can feel a subtle shift in David’s energy.

“What?”  I ask.

“Nothing, I can’t hear the show in Seattle.”  David says.

I look over at the clock and it’s 9:45am.  We go live at 10:03am.

“Should I get Chachi?”

Chachi is our radio guru.  He owns the studio where we broadcast from –  It’s an amazing place.  They produce The Melissa Etheridge show and work with some of the biggest talents in radio.  Chachi has taught us so much about radio it’s crazy.  Half of the time he talks in radio jargon and I have no idea what he is saying.  I peak my head into his office to get his attention while he’s on the phone.

“…Well, it depends” he says.  “If you’re doing 30-second PI’s for A/C its a different market.”

Huh?  PI?  AC?  L-M-N-O-P?  I have no idea what he is talking about but I’m fascinated by it.

“Chachi can you help us for a minute?”

“Sure Man!”

We both go back to the studio to see David punching several buttons and starting to look a bit nervous.

“I can’t hear them in Seattle, but they can hear us.”

As David stands, Chachi sits down and tests all of the levels, whosiwhatsits, and thingamagigs that make our show work.  But still, nothing.

At about 9:56am I feel like I have had about 13 cups of coffee.  I can feel beads of sweat form on my forehead.  Why didn’t we test the connection over the weekend?  What kind of person doesn’t test the connection first?  I’m the worst connection tester ever!

At 10:02am I am fully panicking.  I have a full-on flop sweat going. There will be dead silence during the hour of my show.  Danielle will not be our guest and all of our callers will not get to ask about their pets.  What now?

“David please call Danielle and tell her we are having technical issues.”

I lean into the mic and tell Benny that I will do the first segment alone and just kind of wing it.  Before I can even finish that sentence Chachi gives me a signal that says you’re on!

As I open my mouth, I realize that every single topic we outlined is geared towards our guest who I can’t hear.  The only thing I can do is be totally honest and explain that we are having technical issues.  My mind is flooded with negative thoughts.  This is going to sound like crap.  I had this show planned out perfectly and now nothing is going right.  I vaguely remember talking about Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger splitting up, all the while staring at the clock and trying to fill 12 minutes.  Other thoughts are swirling in my head, preparing me that I might have to do the entire hour this way.  I decide that I need to take a commercial break a little early to collect myself.  I hope that Benny is prepared to go to commercial, even though I don’t know because I can’t hear him.  All of the sudden I hear our theme music in my headphones.  I squeal like a 13 year old girl,  “I CAN HEAR BENNY!!!!!!!!!”

To make a long story short, by the start of our second segment we are back in the swing of things and the rest of the show went off without a hitch.  However, after we left the studio I felt terrible.  My heart was still racing.  And I was really criticizing myself.

After a few hours of being home I had this thought pop up in my mind.  My perspective on that experience isn’t how it sounded at all.  I checked my email, and Benny had sent me the clip of my shrieking “I CAN HEAR BENNY!!”  I started laughing at the sound of my voice and realized, I sounded pretty calm.

I went to the archive on my website – I rarely do this – I don’t really like to listen to my own voice.  But I clicked “listen” and that morning’s show began.  I realized that if I hadn’t mentioned our technical issues, no one would have known at all.  It actually all sounded normal.  Sure, I had to pay more attention to the clock and commercials. Potentially we may not have been able to take calls (during my “call-in advice show), but overall it was a good show.

Perfectionists mean well.  They (and by they I mean me), have a specific idea of how they want a situation to go, and they plan out every last detail in their head.  This is a good thing; it’s how the law of attraction works.  However, if one gets too attached to that exact image, they end up missing out on the good things that are actually happening.    This is the lesson for me this week;  be flexible if the outcome isn’t exactly as planned.    Go with the flow.  If you burn dinner, go out for pizza and enjoy yourself.  It may not be what you want, but it could be exactly what you need.

Posted by Dougall | 2 Comments » | Tags: blog, clairvoyant, dougall fraser, gay, psychic, psychics, spirituality

This past week I felt completely misunderstood.

Picture it; on Monday morning I contentedly sipped my coffee on our lanai (anyone who has ever watched “Golden Girls” knows why I like to call it a lanai).   I was mentally preparing for a big meeting I had.  As I rehearse what points I want to hit during my meeting, the home phone rings.  We have this funny caller-id phone that speaks the caller’s name out loud before you pick it up.  The technology could use some improvement though, because it always mispronounces the name, and sounds more like a startled drunk lady.  On this morning I hear the phone say “Call from Ja-nube!”  Ja-nube?  Who the hell is Ja-nube?  I look at the screen and see that it is my good friend Daniel.

“Hey, Daniel, what’s up?”

“Did you get my text?” he says tensely.

“Today?”

“No, my text on SA-TUR-DAY!”

Now, you don’t have to be Jean Dixon to tell that Daniel was irritated with me.  Daniel and I speak pretty often; it’s common for us to call each other for advice, just to chat, to kill time and catch up.

“You ignored my text!  And I had an emergency!”  Daniel is livid; he spends the next ten minutes telling me that Saturday was one of the worst days of his life.  “And you know what?  I feel like you’re never available for me when I need you.”

“Daniel, I have no idea what you’re talking about!  All you said in your text on Saturday was “Call me, I want to ask you a question”.

“Well I got fired!”,  he sobs.

Ouch. I had no idea.

Daniel spends the next few minutes venting about his day, and how I should have been there for him.  I glance over at the clock and remember that I have a super-important meeting soon, and I am going to be late if I don’t hop in the shower now.  My mind starts racing.  When a good friend says that they feel like you aren’t available for them, how do you tell them that in this exact moment you aren’t available for them?

“Ok, listen.  Please, calm down, take a deep breath.”

I spend a couple more minutes listening to Daniel update me on his disastrous Saturday, trying not to focus on the fact that I am risking bad hair for my meeting.  Okay, I know how that sounds.  Without going into detail, this is the kind of meeting where good hair actually plays a part.

“Daniel, I am really sorry that you had such a hard day.  I had no idea.  I want to talk about this, but I have an important appointment and I really need to go.”  I promise to call him later.

I put down the phone and jump up because now I am late.  I quickly shower, throw on my clothes and race out the door, but I can’t seem to shake this feeling of irritation.  Is he kidding me?  Not there for him?  That is insane!  I can count dozens of times in the past 6 months that I have been on the phone with Daniel, listening when he is upset.

Throughout the day I had really strong feelings of annoyance with Daniel.  The echoing sentiment that I am not there for my friends really hurt me.  The funny part is, I have built my career around helping people through readings and coaching.  I spend the majority of my day working with clients who are dealing with life issues, and I devote much of my free time listening to friends and helping when I can.  I do it because I love connecting with people.

However, if I don’t disconnect and recharge at some point, it can start to drain me. There is a certain time every evening that David and I turn off our phones so that we can be together and relax.  Don’t I deserve a break too?  The problem is, that in the age of caller-id, cell phones and text messaging, everyone knows how instantly reachable we are.  Loved ones can easily feel offended if they think that you are ignoring them.

After I had time to cool down and reflect on what happened, I realized that Daniel felt rejected by his job, and later felt rejected by me.  Of course that is not what I wanted.  I called him and explained as best as I could that I was not trying to ignore him, but I was immersed in enjoying my weekend and did not know that he was having an emergency.

These kinds of moments happen frequently in life, and modern technology does not always help.

In my opinion, texting is a blessing and a curse when it comes to relationships.  If I forget to put milk on the grocery list, I can text David in the supermarket “get milk” without having to call.  I much prefer getting a text from the dentist reminding me of my appointment;  that receptionist is just too chatty on the phone.  However, wires can easily get crossed when you text something important to a friend.  Sarcasm can be misconstrued as pure nastiness, and a simple joke can sound cruel and hurtful.  How can anyone really understand your sentiment when they can’t hear your voice?

In my opinion, text messages should only be used for non-essential communication.  If what I have to say is that important, I will pick up the phone and call.

Thankfully, Daniel and I were able to work things out.  Instead of getting defensive, we talked about our feelings and came to understand each other.  I could see that he only wanted to feel supported by a friend, and he saw that my wanting to “disconnect” had nothing to do with him.  We agreed that we would limit our text messages to casual communication (such as “did you see that rerun of Oprah and Gayle’s road trip?  I love them!”).

At the end of the day, we all just want to be heard.  However, I think it’s human nature to see a situation solely from our perspective.  The secret to being heard is listening to what the other person is saying first.  Only then will they be open to hearing your point of view, because they will know that you heard them.  This week I invite you to really listen to those around you. Whether you agree with them or not, try to repeat back or “mirror” what they are saying to you.  You will be amazed at how quickly they will be open to resolving the issue.  You may even have a few extra minutes to work on your hair!

Posted by Dougall | 2 Comments » | Tags: blog, clairvoyant, communication, dougall fraser, gay, humor, psychic, spirituality, texting

If you listen to my radio show every week, then you know I love to end the show by talking about my current reality TV obsession.  Whether it’s Gary Busey spewing out spiritual mantras on “The Celebrity Apprentice”, or Kirstie Alley doing the Paso Doble on “Dancing with the Stars”, I love to watch and talk about these shows!   I spend so much of my time enriching my spirituality and connecting with my heart; sometimes it’s fun to just veg out and watch people frantically concoct an amuse bouche from items purchased in a vending machine.  “Top Chef”, anyone?

I figure it is only fair to practice the old saying:  “Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it”.  About a year ago I filmed a scene for the 6th season of “The Real Housewives of Orange County“.  You may recall my appearance on the 5th season, where Vicki invited the girls over for a sleepover party and I gave them each a little mini-reading.  Several of the ladies made fun of my name, which I admit is unusual.  The moment Vicki answered her door, she introduced me to her guests as Doobie. For the next ten minutes I was surrounded by a gaggle of grown women cracking jokes about my name all the while thinking in my head this will DEFINITELY make the show.   I believe Gretchen said “Who would name their child Dougall?”  Of course, being a psychic for a living comes with its own set of jokes that people like to make.

Truth be told, parties are not my favorite kind of work.  Most people at a party want to be silly, let loose and catch up with their friends.  Suddenly you invite someone like me over, and people are crying over their dinner.  The reaction of the party guests tend to differ as well.  There is usually one person who seems to immediately hate me.  In this case that person was Gretchen Rossi.  And then there are one or two people that I really connect with.   On that particular night, I really connected with Tamra Barney and she asked for a follow-up session.

I knew a little too much about Tamra to do a full psychic reading this time, considering the fact that I had watched the entire previous season in which I appeared at Vicki’s party.  Well, except for my appearance, which I watched through my fingers that were covering my eyes.   However, I agreed to come back and do a Cosmic Coaching session with her.

A coaching session is different from a psychic reading.  In a coaching session we talk about some of the energetic blocks in your life, and then together we target the blocks and discuss how you can maintain your balance.  It’s more of a collaboration with the client than a psychic reading, where I ask that you tell me nothing about your life before the session.  This clip is a great example of how that works.

The day of my meeting with Tamra went differently than my morning routine.  In most of my work, I don’t pay much attention to what I am wearing, but it’s another thing when millions of people may be watching.  As I selected my outfit, my loving husband came in and said “Hey, can I do your makeup for the show?”  This is a reasonable question because David is a makeup artist, and most people who appear on TV wear makeup to look their best.  You think Kathie Lee & Hoda wake up looking like that?

“I guess so?”, I said,  “but, is that weird?  I’m a spiritual advisor.  I wouldn’t wear makeup to work on an average day.”

“Yes but this is going to be on national TV”, David reasoned.  “This isn’t an average day of work.  You know they’re going to use High Definition cameras, so any person would look shiny.”

Technically he was right.  Whenever I am on TV, David usually wants to do my makeup.  But for some reason on this day I was hesitant.  I didn’t want to look superficial.  David turned on some music, pulled out his makeup kit and motioned me into the makeup chair.  I hesitantly sat down, and like a painter he started mixing my foundation.  He poured the mixture into his airbrush machine and started spraying the fine mist onto my face.  I took a deep breath to relax, closed my eyes,  and my mind started to wander.

What if I look like I obviously have makeup on?  What if I look like some pancake-faced gay psychic freak?  Why am I putting myself in this position?  Last year was really hard, and now I have agreed to go back on camera again.  Am I insane?  Would John Edward do this?  Would Marianne Williamson go on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills?  Would Amma the hugging guru appear on “The Bad Girls Club”?  Oh lord, maybe I should cancel.  What if I end up tripping on her front porch and it’s replayed every ten seconds on the E! channel?

“You look nervous”,  David states.  “I’m freaking out!”, I yell.  I jump up from the chair and run over to the mirror.  “Oh my god, it’s too much!”  David tells me to calm down, no one will be able to tell.   “My skin looks perfect!”, I shriek.  “Um, that’s kind of the point”, David says.

I am supposed to be a spiritual mentor, not a contestant on America’s Next Top Model!  We are inside and they may be filming me OUTSIDE in natural light; you know what that means.  I will look like one of those gay men that lives in Boca and has a Chihuahua named Paris or Gucci.  Everyone will think I have a collection of rhinestone-encrusted baseball caps at home, right next to my Liberace capes.  I insist that we look outside.

I grab a hand held mirror from his desk and race out to the back yard.  This is probably the moment in a reality show where you would see me looking like a crazy person, walking in circles around my yard with a mirror trying to see if you could tell that I had makeup on.  Yes, that would be MY Gary Busey moment.

“David, it’s too much makeup for me.”  I didn’t want to offend David.  I know how good he is at his job, but the fearful voice in my head was getting the best of me.  In order to get back to my center I needed to feel completely like myself.  I don’t wear makeup to see clients, and  I am not going on a talk show to promote a new book.  I need to feel grounded.

“Ok, Ok, settle down.  I’ll tone it down”

David gently takes my hand and pulls the mirror from my grasp as if taking a gun away from a bank robber.  We walk back to his office, and he wipes a wet sponge all over my face.  He does this until I am bare-faced and holds up the hand mirror so that I can see.  “See, au natural and still adorable,” he says.

Later that day, I settle myself into the back of a town car and put my ear phones in.  As I begin my meditation, Native American flute music swirls in my head and the car heads off to Orange County.  By the time we pull up to Tamra’s house I feel calm, centered and connected.  I slowly open the car door and a team of cameras meet me.  After approaching the door I ring the door bell.  Tamra answers and gives a big beautiful smile.

“Hi, Dougall!”

As I look at her, I totally forget that there is a camera in the room.  I am ready to do what I do best; talk about someone else’s problems.

In the link, you can watch the results of that day.  As I watched it with David, I realized that in the end it didn’t matter if I wore the makeup or not.  The point of makeup is to make a person feel more confident, that is all.  We watched the clip and laughed.  I remembered what a  freak-out I had that day, and that I had fallen into the trap of taking myself too seriously.  Who would even care if I had makeup on or not?  Surely not Tamra, or anyone who watched that clip.  It was a good lesson for me, to keep my sense of humor and laugh along.

This week I ask you, how often are you able to laugh at yourself?  We seem to be a society that loves to laugh at others.  America loves a blooper real.  We giggle when someone makes a mistake but how often do we laugh when the joke is on us?  This week I invite you not to take yourself so seriously.   Now, I need to go powder my forehead.

Posted by Dougall | 4 Comments » | Tags: coach, Gretchen Rossi, psychic, season 6, Tamra Barney, the real housewives of orange county

I have very clear childhood memories of hearing “Dougall doesn’t like being told no.”  I remember feeling ashamed when this would be repeated.  Looking back as an adult, I appreciate it as a definitive character trait that serves me well.  Perhaps as a kid it was more of an irritant to others.  I can remember being a sophmore in high school and having great anxiety about my test scores.  I would walk to each classroom, peek my head inside, and ask my teacher if they had graded our exams yet.  It’s not like it would take them very long, I reasoned.  These were the days of scantron; you slid the exam into the machine, and in seconds it would pop out the other end with a final score.  How hard could that be?  As I approached the Social Studies main office, I was greeted with a sign on the door from my teacher Mr. Sheer, or as I liked to call him Doug.  I always figured that calling teachers by their first name was a great way to show them I should be taken seriously.  In hindsight, perhaps studying and doing well on tests would have been a smarter approach.  The sign read “NO TEST SCORES GIVEN OUT”.  Well this just won’t do, I thought.  I knocked on the door, and as Mr. Sheer answered I was greeted with a look that I recall as “ugh, one of my least favorite students”.  “No grades are being given out Dougall” he said while hastily closing the door.  “But, Doug!”

I scurried home with a sense of real frustration.  Did I pass?  Would I have to go to Summer School?  I needed this information and I needed it today.  I walked right into my house and sat myself down at the kitchen counter, picked up the phone and dialed 411.  “Yes, Garden City High School please”.   I pressed one to be instantly connected, I can’t be bothered with writing this number down.  That drove my dad crazy; “use a phone book!” he’d yell.  “Garden City High School, may I help you?”  “Yes, this is Mr. Fraser, can you please connect me with the Social Studies Department?”  “Please hold”, she said.  My heart was racing; who did I think I was, Ferris Bueller?  But I just could not take “NO” for an answer.

“This is Doug Sheer”.  “Hi Mr. Sheer it’s Dougall, did you grade my test yet?”  Mr. Sheer burst out laughing.  “Ok Dougall, nice touch, give me a minute.”  As he put the phone down I could hear him enter my test into the scantron machine.  Click, click, click, click, click.  “Uh oh, too many clicks” I said. “Yup, you failed.”  I can’t even remember the end of the conversation.  Or even what the score was, but I do remember thinking “That was an effective way to get the info that I wanted”.  Now I realize that I was just an impatient kid who didn’t want to wait for my test results, but as an adult I think that life will often throw you a curve ball in the form of a “no”.  As human beings, it is our job to use our persistence and find the “yes”.  This energy impresses the universe and can help us achieve our dreams.

As an adult I am no longer described as a person who doesn’t like hearing no.  My friends often describe me as a very resilient and persistent person.

As a psychic and life coach I have realized that the majority of my clients don’t like being told no either.  Everyone feels this to a varying degree.  If I am working with someone who is trying to attract a relationship, often times they are stuck in limbo because they don’t want to face rejection from another person.  They are so afraid of hearing “no” that they sit at home waiting for love without ever reaching out.  Clients who hope to work in a creative field such as as acting, writing, or singing, often have to deal with many rejections on their way to success.  They can become so blocked and stuck in the pain of “no” that they drop their art and stop moving forward.  This is the curve ball that the universe has thrown.  I try to explain to people that I was rejected as an author hundreds of times.  Agents and publishers for years would say no.  Honestly, I could have wallpapered my living room in rejection notices; my windows would have been plastered with letters from Penguin Publishing saying “We regret to inform you”.  But for me, “No” was just an unacceptable answer.  And when I finally found the right team, my book ended up getting multiple offers, with three of the top publishers in the world making bids on my creative work.  Had I contracted from rejection, I would have missed a life-changing opportunity.

We are all told “no” several times a day, and some of those are just part of life.  We stop at a red light, we try to drive the speed limit, we know not to take more than 3.4 ounces of any liquid on a plane. These are examples of being told no that are wise to accept.  However, when it comes to your personal dreams and ability to move your life forward, we can’t let “no” get us down.  Of my most accomplished friends and colleagues, I can’t think of a single one that was an overnight success.  They all forged ahead in the face of rejection, created a thicker skin and continue to do so.  Even as I write this, I can remember rejection when David and I were first dating.  His religious family said that they would never meet me, and I would never be included in their life.  Well, that just wouldn’t do.  It’s taken a few years, but in 5 days we leave for Florida to celebrate Passover with David’s entire family; it’s been so long since they’ve said no that I have almost forgotten.

So this week I ask you, is there an area of your life where you are afraid of being rejected, or hearing no?  Is that stopping you from stepping out of your comfort zone?  If so, remember that we have all been rejected before.  It is the Universe’s curve ball.  The idea is to see how courageous we can be, regardless of whether we achieve the goal or not.  Always try several options to achieve your goal, and be proud of the effort, not the outcome.  I commit to finding the “yes” this week.  Will you join me?

Posted by Dougall | 2 Comments » | Tags: aura, blog, courage, dougall fraser, energy, hollywood, los angeles, psychic, rejection, RHOC

Guys! I am so excited about this idea that David and I came up with. Today marks the beginning of our new Cosmic Coaching contest!  If you are looking to be inspired and want positive change in your life, I can help you achieve your goals.  Let us know what is going on in your life and in what area you would like my help.  The most compelling entry will be selected as a winner and receive a free five week cosmic coaching package (worth $575)!

In a cosmic coaching package, we meet once a week to target your goals and focus on some of the energy patterns that might be blocking you from acheiving success.

In my life I have worked really hard on being goal-oriented, and never settling when someone told me “no” (as my parents like to remind me).  I have created techniques and tools to help you get out of your own way to and achieve your personal greatness.  They have worked for me, and they will work for you.

Is there a relationship that you are stuck in?  Maybe you need to attract a more passionate life or job.  Whether it’s self-confidence, weight, communication or finding your passion, I want to hear your story.

The winner will be invited on my radio show periodically to give updates and get additional support from me.  I believe that as we share our own struggles with life’s obstacles, we can all learn from each other.  Let’s cry, giggle, and celebrate in our desire to make our lives the best they can be.

If you are interested in being the winner of the coaching package send your story to coachingcontest@dougallfraser.com.  Tune in every week to the show to see if you are in the running!  The winner will be announced on May 3rd!

Posted by Dougall | 2 Comments » |